Deal With a Boyfriend Who Has Asperger's Syndrome

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Asperger's Syndrome is like Autism. They may be different to many people, But they are just like us. If you have a good relationship with someone who has Asperger's Syndrome, Here is some ways to keep him and love him even more.


  1. Learn what Asperger's Syndrome is. An article written by someone with the condition is the best way to ensure you have true info. Read books written by Aspies. If the Aspie you like is well-aware of his condition, let him explain to you how it affects him.
  2. Become close friends with him. Give him your phone number and your e-mail address. Have him give you his phone number and his e-mail address.
  3. Find out his interests, his hobbies, and his talents. You will have the best chance to become his girlfriend if you have something in common with him. Have him help you with something you are having trouble with. Get involved in his hobbies. If the two of you have a common interest, share each other's knowledge of the subject.
  4. Always hang out with him. Almost everyone loves to be with someone! And they probably always get put down like, "you are wired!" or "What's wrong with you?" But many people know that is wrong.
  5. Some People who have Asperger's Syndrome can't stand to be hugged, while others love being hugged. If he cannot stand to be hugged, try a high-five in place of a hug. Many boys would not hug a girl any ways!
  6. They know when a girl is flirting with them, but don't know how to initiate it. Make sure you initiate the flirting; that may be all that is necessary to get them to flirt with you.
  7. Kissing them is when you find your true love! Some people who have Asperger's Syndrome may tend to pull away, But most won't. So if ya want to kiss them, For the people who pull away ask first. If not, Surprise them with the wonderful kiss of love.


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  • When flirting with an asperger's Syndrom. try to use as little subtlety as possible. Subtle gestures, especially when only body language and posturing is used, will not even be picked up by an aspie, and it will appear to you as if he's not interested. Very few teenage Aspies are able to pick up subtle gestures.
  • Don't feel bad if he flinches when you touch him. Let him tell you when it is okay to touch him.
  • Don't be surprised if he doesn't buy you gifts. He may not know what to buy or he has too much on his mind to remember to buy you a gift.
  • Don't get mad if he makes fun of you. He was not aware that he made fun of you. However, if you tell him to stop and he continues anyway, he may not know what he is doing is upsetting you.
  • If the Aspie gives you a monologue or a lecture about something he likes, do not interrupt. If you do, he might think you are not paying attention and start the monologue over again from the beginning. He will keep doing this until he feels you have heard everything he has said. This is the only way many Aspies know how to talk to people. Even very self-aware Aspies have to do this once in a while. Another term for this is a "data dump."
  • If someone tries to bully the Aspie in front of you, tell the bullies to stop bugging him and tell the teacher about it. Don't ask him, "Are those people bugging you?" His response will automatically be "NO!"
  • If someone is trying to get into the Aspie's head, tell the Aspie, "Don't listen to him/her."
  • If you and the Aspie have a class together, pair up with him with assignments that require working with a partner. Aspies are usually the people who benefit the most from having a partner, but rarely gets one that can help him learn teamwork skills and often ends up with no partner at all.
  • You may have to teach him how the non-autistic world works and how relationships work. Do not force the values of the non-autistic world on him. How would you like it if the values of the autistic world were forced on you?
  • If you want to go out with him, don't expect him to ask you out as most Aspies do not know how to ask a girl out. Even extremely self-aware Aspies have more trouble with this than other guys do. However, some aspies in their late teens have managed to ask a girl out.
  • Go very slowly. Get to know each other before you attempt to ask him out.
  • When going out on a date with an Aspie, it is better to consider a single date rather than a group date. Aspies cannot handle a lot of people around them at one time and have a lot of trouble with group conversations.
  • Be carfeful about joking with Aspies. They tend to take things literally. Aspies into humor tend to use complex puns, which reveal his advanced memory. Some Aspies like to be sarcastic, but are unaware of when to stop saying sarcastic jokes and as a result, may unintentionally make fun of you and hurt your feelings.
  • The Aspie may have trouble picking up subtle hints that you like him. Instead, tell him that you love him.
  • You may have to tell your friends that your boyfriend has Asperger's Syndrome, preferably those you trust. If the Aspie is very self-aware, let him explain about how it affects him.
  • Be aware that Aspies have trouble expressing their feelings verbally. Many Aspies find it easier and better to express their feelings through writing and poetry.
  • Many Aspies find it much easier to communicate through text messages, e-mail, or on social networking sites such as MySpace or Facebook.
  • Even if the Aspie cannot stand to be around people for long, invite him to your birthday party. It is better to be invited to a party and never show up than to not be invited at all.
  • It's not good to stereotype Aspies, they are all unique and even those with mild Asperger's can seem like any other person sometimes. You must remember if that's the case, that they still do have a social challenge, even in a relationship, and may be extra careful that they're not doing something wrong, even though you may have reassured them over and over again. Just be patient and get used to it. This will probably be for an indefinite time, maybe all their life. They are people who have feelings and worth, even if they seem like aliens or robots sometimes to those who don't understand Asperger's, and they deserve the same respect and compassion as anyone else.
  • If he's doing something that annoys you, he might not pick up on subtle gestures such as rolling your eyes. Just tell him what he's doing annoys you and ask him to stop. It'll make it much easier for both of you.
  • Don't expect him to know how you're feeling just by looking at you. If he likes you, he DOES care how you feel, he just has trouble interpreting your body language. If you want him to know how you feel, tell him.
  • Don't be upset if he gives you advice when you're looking for sympathy. It means he cares, and wants to help you solve your problems.
  • Don't fish for compliments by saying things such as "I wish I could be a fashion model, but I'm not pretty enough." If you do this, you might make him unintentionally say something inappropriate. If you want to know if he thinks you're pretty, ask him if he thinks you're pretty. Chances are, he thinks you're gorgeous.
  • If you want him to help you with something, don't complain and expect him to know what to do. For example, if you want him to help you carry something, ask him to help. Don't complain about how heavy it is and expect him to know what to do.


  • Be very careful about flirting if the Aspie has been bullied a lot. He may think you are bullying him. Most Aspies are vulnerable to bullying.
  • Never, ever lie to an Aspie. Many aspies were bullied as children, and develop a heavily guarded emotional state as a result. If you lie to him, he will no longer trust you. Very rarely will an Aspie forgive someone for lying.
  • Never teach an Aspie how to tell a lie. The only reason anyone should tell a lie is if someone will abuse them if they had told the truth about something. Even when it is no longer necessary to lie in order to survive, the Aspie may not be able to break the habit of lying. Those who are very strong-willed manage to break the habit of lying.
  • Since most Aspies are untrusting of strangers, it is unwise to ask him to take a walk with you until he knows you and likes you.
  • If you do not know him, DO NOT call out his name when he walks by. Nine times out of ten, he will not be able to respond.
  • The Aspie may not know how to accept a compliment.
  • He may not know what compliment to say and may say the wrong one at the wrong time.
  • He may not know how to show that he likes you or he may show it in a way that you don't understand.
  • Leave him alone if he is angry, especially if you had just unintentionally distracted or interrupted him. Most Aspies have difficulty in dealing with anger. Some may immediately throw a volcanic tantrum no matter where they are at. Some Aspies internalize anger when people are around and blow up when nobody is around. When the tantrum is finished, the Aspie will go on as if he had never thrown the tantrum.
  • You may be given a hard time because you have an Aspie boyfriend. This comes from people with little to no knowledge of autism or those who are prejudiced against people with autism.
  • Bullies may come up with very convincing stories on why you should not talk to an Aspie. For example, a guy may say that the Aspie is a rapist, especially if you are one of the popular girls. Don't believe those stories one single bit; believing those stories will only poison your perception of Aspies and will only tear away the Aspie's reputation and pride. Remember that bullies are cowards and always try to project their personality on other people; Aspies are especially vulnerable to this because of their difficulty with verbal communication.
  • Do not let other people talk you into breaking up with him. Many people will try to make you do this and will do it in any way possible.
  • If the Aspie is unaware of his condition, try to tell him he has it and be prepared to explain what it is, since he'll deny it, until you have explained some of the common difficulties Aspies have.
  • It is not a good idea to be indirect with an aspie during a heart-to-heart, etc. Some aspies may not have a clue about what you are saying. Be more direct and to the point. You don't have to be brutally honest, just be assertive and say it in love.

Things You'll Need

  • A male Aspie you have a crush on and that you like him a lot
  • Articles or books on Asperger's Syndrome written by someone with the condition.

Related Tips and Steps