Resentment.Such a poisonous way to live. Especially if you resent the behavior of someone who has passed and therefore absolutely nothing can be done about it. They are gone and cannot come back to do things differently.
Mothers do tend to take the brunt of blame when their offspring is not happy with his or her own life. It is so much easier to blame a parent than take ownership of your own stuff. If you are such an offspring and hold resentment for your deceased mother it is urged you take back your power and work with the following steps to forgive your her.
Write down in detail exactly what it is that you resent about your mother. We have to name it to claim it. We can't just keep saying I resent my mother, or I hate my mother, or it's all my mother's fault. We can't be vague or speak in generalities. Once you have named a specific type of behavior or even one specific event of your mother's, we now have something to work with.
Write out in detail how it made you feel when your mother did what you resent. Remember to include how old you were, or if it is a repeated behavior, how old you were when it first started. Be very clear and truthful. Cry or be angry if your emotions tell you to.
Read what you have written to a picture of your mother. If you don't have one then you have her image in your mind and just imagine her in front of you.
Change your footwear. By this I mean put yourself in your mother's shoes. At least in your brain. Usually, we know at least some of our mother's history growing up and during her adulthood before you were born. Remember all you can and in each of the different scenes that you recall, imagine how she felt and how and why she responded as she did in those moments. What kind of belief systems do you think she was taught by others and her personal experiences in her life? What were her parents like?
Recall especially that she lived a generation before you. We tend to forget that our parents were raised during a time when they did not have the knowledge or the items that are so easily available to us today.
Stand or sit where your mother did during the episode or one of the episodes she hurt you and look at yourself as she did. What do you think was going through her mind or her emotions?
Visualize yourself as a five year old child walking through a meadow and hearing other young children laughing and playing. As you draw closer to these children you recognize one. She is your mother and she is also five years old. She reaches out and takes your hand and draws you into the group of children to play with them too.
Feel what it is like to realize that your mother was once a young child just as you were, a teenager just as you were, suffered the heartache and the joys of life just as you have. She was just a falible human being just as you are. She had no manual on how to raise children, she simply did the best she knew how at the time. She was not perfect, none of us are.
Write a letter to your mother.
If you are able to write 'I forgive you for...' in your letter to your mother, you have not condoned the action on your mother's part that has caused you resentment, what you have done is set yourself free through understanding.
So often we forget that other people have feelings and histories too that have made them who they are. Understanding and forgiveness are the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves.