Some mother-in-laws are sweet. They bake cookies for you and support your every decision. Others are bitter. They constantly talk bad about you and undermine your choices. If your mother-in-law is more troll than fairy princess, then this guide is for you!
most important advice you can be given. If your spouse has no idea how you feel, they may put you in situations you'd rather not be in, like taking care of dear old Mom while she's sick. Tell your spouse kindly (remember, this is their mother) how you feel. State the facts, not your opinions. For example, if your mother-in-law tried to run you over with her SUV, say so. Don't say, "She's horrible and she wants to kill me!" Explain very clearly, without being rude and hurtful.
Discuss calmly. Ask your spouse how they feel about your mother. If the both of you are sharing opinions, it may allow you to be more honest. Don't freak out if your spouse hates your mother with a passion! Remember, if you're just finding out now, then obviously they've done a good job at hiding it. So expect them to continue hiding it around your family.
Be kind. Give your mother-in-law a break! For all you know, she was an orphan, or abused, or cheated on. She's human too, and has had problems in life just like you. Let's say she always griped and complained about your beloved green couch. You hated her for this and made your spouse's life miserable. Then she dies, and at her funeral you discover that she was raped on a green couch. Wouldn't you feel bad?
Get to know her. Ask her to lunch (if you're brave). Or the next time you're at her house, try to spend a few moments with her in the kitchen or sit near her and chat. If the conversation goes really bad, you can always get up to use the bathroom and sit back down in another chair!
When in doubt, give gifts. Women are complex creatures, true, but one thing is almost universal: we love presents! Christmas and birthdays, as well as Mother's Day, are obvious choices. Give your mother-in-law a gift from just you. If you have to, get your spouse to choose the present, then say it's from you. Make sure it's something she will enjoy. If she sees that you are thinking about her and know her tastes, it will help win her over.
Be included. Okay, so you know she doesn't like you and are pretty sure she knows that you don't like her. This doesn't mean you can just stop visiting. This is your spouse's mother, remember, and a mother is very important in life. Don't be rude when your wife or husband wants to visit his/her parents on a Saturday afternoon. You still need to let their child-parent relationship breathe. Visit with your spouse--don't make yourself scarce. Your in-laws will think you're a wuss. This will only make them dislike you more. Remember, the goal is to "get along" with your mother in law...
If you have children, don't be hostile with your mother-in-law. If she treats the kids well, then she can't be completely horrible. However, if she's being mean to them because she doesn't like you, keep them away from her. Children are impressionable and will not understand. Talk to your spouse and again, use clear examples.
If you've been married for over 15 years and your mother-in-law still hates your guts, ignore these tips. You're screwed! Unless some major, life-changing event comes along--like she gets cancer and suddenly loves everyone--you're out of luck. (And no, don't pray for her to get cancer. Do you really want to watch your spouse disintegrate as their mother dies? Didn't think so.)
If she calls you and you don't answer the phone, RETURN THE CALL. Everyone knows everyone has caller I.D. She knows eventually you'll see her name or number on your phone. There's nothing worse than playing the passive-aggressive. She can see right through that. Ignoring her won't help your relationship with her. Return the call as soon as possible, and if need be, keep the conversation short but sweet.
Also remember that she will always see you in a different light to her off-spring so remember, if there are any issues to be resolved or words spoken to correct mother-in-law's bad behaviour, let your spouse discuss with her. They sometimes have a way of turning it around on you as public enemy number one!
What if she wants you to get divorce with you husband? Because she doesn't like her husband and her son is the dream man for her...and she wants to spend rest of her life with her son as...i don't know...and you are coming in her way for her to behave like that. My mother in law wanted to come with me on my honeymoon. I know for sure if i die she will start sleeping with my husband...what a sick lady???
Remember, it's probably nothing against you personally. Your MIL misses her baby and she would hate ANYONE who took him away. You're usually not the direct issue. She views you as the enemy who captured her baby and she's trying to scare you away so she can have him all to herself. Remember that.
Allow the two to spend some time together casually without you, and talk to your husband beforehand and ask him to reassure her that he's still her baby and he'll always love her, it's just that he's married now and you two need more space to be husband and wife.
Keep in mind that after your husband's last sibling was born (or after he was if he's the baby), your MIL waited years for one of them to marry, mistakenly expecting to "gain" another son or daughter that would be equal to her own offspring, and she's upset that this isn't exactly what she expected.
Don't be fake! If your mother-in-law is over the age of 25, then she's had some life experience. If you're syrupy sweet, she'll see right through you. This is the DANGER ZONE. Sure, she doesn't like you now, but once you start being too nice, she'll get suspicious and never let you out of her sight!
Don't keep griping about her. You and your spouse are in love and happy (right?) so why let someone ruin it? Don't constantly complain about her. When your spouse tells you some little tidbit about what their mom's up to, don't get nasty and start in. Just nod and smile, then change the subject. Simple.
Don't declare war. Subtle sniping is tolerable. But screaming and hollering is NOT fine. If you ever find yourself yelling at her, "I hate you! I wish you'd just die!" then you've gone too far. A good rule of thumb is: if you're treating her how you treated your own mom while you were going through puberty, then you're making your disdain too obvious. Back-pedal and buy lots of gifts!
Don't let her control your life. If you've honestly tried your best to win her over, and she still hates you, then you have two choices. 1: Talk to her about it. Say, "I get the feeling you really don't like me. What did I do?" Or, 2: Move on! Your mother-in-law is only a small part of your life. Go to work, raise your children, love your spouse, take care of your own parents. Don't let one mean person ruin everything.
Don't tell her kids you hate her. If your spouse has a few sisters or brothers, don't look to them as allies. They are your mother-in-law's children and would HATE YOU! Are you nuts?!