How to Raise a Child from Another Relationship
Raising someone else’s child can be a rewarding experience and it doesn't have to have the drama that can often be associated with a blended family. So here are possible guidelines for dealing with this type of situation.
<google>wheretofind</google>#Realize things might be hard in the beginning of a blended family because not only do you have to learn about each other, you have to understand that you would have to raise a child that did not come from both of you.
- Establish ground rules to include how to deal with your kids.
- Love "my" child like "your" own. This means that no one was allowed to show favoritism towards any one child. Don't treat your daughter like she could do no wrong and in the meantime treat a step-child as if she was the devil’s daughter-in-law. You will notice though, that there are things that you can see about a step-daughter’s behavior that your spouse couldn’t see and vice-versa. You're too close to your child to see her wrongs and distracted by your need to be there for your child as she deals with the divorce of her other parent. So when your new spouse brings them to your attention, you might become defensive and blinded be your need to be there for your child. Each parent needs full permission to chastise the kids in an appropriate manner.
- Respect the step-child’s other parent. This may be difficult because of the wide variation in roles that ex's play in their child's life. Some parents may be distant, while others play a role in how a child's hair is done up.
- Understand that the child might show favoritism towards the birth parent. There be times when a child favors you and sometimes your ex. Regardless, always involve all the children in activities. Divorce is hard on kids and they have to work through their feelings. They may feel disloyal to the new step-parent if they show too much affection towards them. Make sure the lines of communications stay open.
- Allow the child to adjust on their own and in their own way. Don't force a step-child to call the new parent "mommy" or "daddy". As the kids get older, they develop their own personal feelings towards the divorce or absence of the paternal father. As they grow, so will their perspectives. But as long as you will be married, you are parents to all the children and together we are one family.
- Situations like these require a lot of patience in order to get through the rough times. But Love will conquer all.
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