Love occurs instantly between the child and the stepparent
This is the expectation that because you love your new partner you will automaticlly love his or her children; or that the children will automatically love us because we are such nice people. Of course, if we think about it, we recognize that establishing relationships takes time; that it does not happen overnight or by magic.
Even if we recognize the time involved, it is hard to accept that sometimes we are willing to have a relationship with someone who is not willing to have a relationship with us. That hurts, and when people hurt, they may become resentful and angry.
Stepfamily adjustment will be helped if we come to the relationships with our stepchildren with minimal, and, therefore, more realistic, expectations about how the relationships will develop. We may then be pleased when respect and friendship blossom and less disappointed if it takes more time than we anticipated.