Deal With Your Parents' Divorce

Parents going through the dreaded "split"? Here are some tips that might help.

Steps

 * 1) Realize that the chances of your parents getting back together are very, very slim.
 * 2) Take advantage of therapy, if it's offered. Most likely, you can get it at school. Even if you don't think that you need it, go for a 3 month period. If you don't talk to someone, your feelings might overwhelm you.
 * 3) Demand visitation rights. It is not your parents' choice if you do or do not see your other parent. It's just as important to see your mom as it is your dad, or vice versa.
 * 4) Join an after school activity, such as music lessons or basketball, it will help take your mind off of stress. However, do not have one parent designated to paying for these activities or you may create more arguing. Have your parents split the costs.
 * 5) Avoid getting in the middle. If your parent starts bashing the other in front of you, walk away. Defending might get you an argument, or make your parent think you're a brat to contradict them. walking away teaches them that you won't take it.
 * 6) If a parent questions you about the other parent's personal business (taxes, paycheck, relationships, etc.) count to five and calmly state that that is personal and that if they want to know, they can ask.
 * 7) If it starts to get violent stay as far away as you can and call someone you trust imidiately for ex., neighbor, attorney, manager, police, etc, NEVER stand between them, that will only get you hurt.
 * 8)  Jokes and Laughter are THE BEST ways to deal with a the stress involved in a divorce. Make sure you always talk and laugh with your friends. You could do your favorite activity for ex. basketball, guitar ex. or you could write about in poetry, books, songs, or just in a diary or journal.
 * 9)  It is NEVER your fault. Do not blame yourself for the divorce. That will just make things worse for you.

Tips

 * Believe it or not, talking to a counselor will unleash a lot of emotions that might have stayed holed up inside of you. Emotions that might have burst out at a later age and caused you to do irrational things.
 * One way to tell if your parents have a chance of getting back together is how they announce it. If both parents have been in deep thought for several days, and both sit down in the living room to tell you that "Honey, I'm very sorry, but me and your mother are splitting" or something along the lines in a very low, calm voice, most likely your parents are never going to change. But, if your parents are arguing and one of them says something along the lines of "I'm never speaking to you again, I'm leaving for good, this time" and storms out, you have a better chance because your parent was angry when he or she said that, and anger causes people to be extreme.
 * Though it is ultimately your parents' decision, the divorce does impact you, so your voice should be heard. Sometimes, all your parents need is another person to make them realize that they are still in love. However, accept that no matter what you do or say your parents may have reached a point where trust has been broken and no amount of talking or counseling will fix the problem. Know that you are not the cause and just because they can't live together doesn't mean they don't love you. Many times parents actually get along better not living in the same house.
 * Love your parents no matter what decision they make. Remember, you will someday make life choices they may not like and may cause them distress as well - you will want their understanding and support then just like they need yours now.
 * Don't ever be embarrassed of a divorce in your family. Unfortunately, divorces are more common now than long-term marriages so you may know many kids at school whose parents have divorced too.
 * Understand that probably sometime in the future your mom or dad may get married to another person. Don't expect for things to go smoothly all the time. And who knows? Maybe you'll actually like your new stepparent! Either way, everyone knows that no one will replace your original parent.
 * If either of your parents are abusive, be aware that this is the first priority. Get help.
 * Don't ever think that the divorce is your fault. It's not.
 * Don't let yourself become the adult in the new living situation. Take responsibility and help your family, but don't let them lean on you too much.
 * Even though you're parents don't love each other any more,or one does not love the other anymore they still love you.

Warnings

 * Step-parents might not stop fighting as readily as your natural parents. Fights between them are easier solved by waiting for help.
 * Sometimes after a divorce when one parent moves out and you take turns visiting each of them, problems can arise. One parent may ask you questions about how the other parent is doing and expect you to be a messenger or spy. Also, one parent may talk bad or say untrue things about the other parent. If this is the case, you need to talk to both of them about how you feel.
 * Drugs and/or alcohol will not help you cope with this situation. They will only make it worse.

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Deal With Children in a Divorce Situation
 * How to Rebuild the Relationship with Your Dad After a Divorce
 * How to Be a Supporting and Loving Stepparent
 * How to Cope with Divorce as a Child
 * How to Deal With Children in a Divorce Situation

Sources and Citations

 * http://www.divorcenet.com/