Use Spanking As a Last Resort

Spanking should never be the first reaction to a child misbehaving. unless the misbehavior is serious, like lying, deliberate disobedience/defiance, violence, theft, etc. This article will enable you to use spanking effectively as a last resort.

Steps

 * 1) Decide ahead of time what behaviors are serious enough to spank for. Think about behaviors that are absolutely unacceptable and serious in your view. Some example ideas are lying, deliberate disobedience/defiance, stealing, or violence. You can choose whatever behaviors you consider serious enough to deserve the ultimate punishment (when spanking is used as a last resort, that is how it should be viewed of, as the ultimate sanction).
 * 2) Sit down and talk with your child. Discuss the rules, what behaviors could result in a spanking, and how the spanking will be carried out. Be sure that the conversation is open, and the child feels free to ask any questions he/she may have, or to voice any comments.
 * 3) When the child misbehaves and/or commits one of the behaviors that you deemed serious enough to possibly warrant a spanking, put the child in time-out. This should be done by having the child sit on a chair or stand in the corner facing the corner, and should be in a boring area. While the child is in time-out, take some deep breaths and ensure you are calm.
 * 4) Once you are calm, think about the best consequence for the offense. Consider the child's age, personality, the details of the offense, and whether it is a repeat or first time offense. Remind yourself of the many alternatives to spanking, such as time-out, grounding, removal of privileges, extra chores, etc. Consider even if a scolding/lecture would suffice.
 * 5) If you decide to not spank the child, have a discussion with the child about the misbehavior and then announce what the consequence will be. Then enforce it.
 * 6) If you decide a spanking is necessary, have a discussion with the child about the misbehavior and then announce that the consequence will be a spanking.
 * 7) Pull down the child's pants and underwear. A spanking should always be given on the bare bottom for several reasons; the child will feel each spank more, you can see the child's bottom as you spank, and spanking over pants, especially jeans, can just plain hurt the parent's hand more than the child's bottom! Moreover, a spanking on the bare bottom is the fairest way to spank (because there is no influence of the child's clothing), and it is also a more personal and many feel more effective method of discipline.
 * 8) Bend your child over your knee. Sit down on an armless chair, a couch or a bed and pull the child over your lap.
 * 9) Relax your hand and all your limbs, with one firm hand on their back and one on their bottom. Make sure your child isn't squirming.
 * 10) Begin spanking. Keep your hand relaxed, especially at the wrist. There is no need to lift your arm high between each spank. A spank delivered from moderate height and with a flexible wrist will be stingy and painful without unnecessary force. Keep a safe distance from the genital area, the tailbone and the kidneys of the child.
 * 11) If the child is squirming and struggling during the spanking, apply more pressure with your hand on the child's back to help hold him down.
 * 12) Know when to stop. During the spanking, it is important to pay attention to the child's bottom and the child's reactions. Give at least 1x the child's age in spanks. It is permissible to give at most 2-3x the child's age in spanks, except in extreme circumstances. If you give more than 1x the child's age (for more serious misbehaviours only), it can be useful to make short stops (not more than 2) with a short comment why another series of swats is given (i. e first series for lying, second for being rude). DO NOT stop spanking because the child whines/begs you to or starts crying. If you stop because of them whining and begging, it teaches them you won't follow all the way through with your word and consequences, which will be disastrous. If you stop immediately when they start crying, it teaches children that the sooner in the spanking they cry (even if it's fake crying) the less painful it will be (and the more ineffective). However, you should NEVER punish crying before, during, or after a spanking. It is completely natural.
 * 13) After the spanking, comfort and reassure the child that the spanking is over and that you still love them more than they could possibly imagine. It is very recommendable to hug/hold the child during this time.
 * 14) After they calm down, have a brief talk with them. Discuss why they were spanked. Tell them that you spanked because you love them and that discipline is part of that love. Emphasize that they can prevent future spankings by thinking about their actions and making good choices. Tell them that they have paid the price for their misbehavior and they are completely forgiven now,.
 * 15) Hug the child more, and give them another kiss. Don't mention it again.

Tips

 * Never spank too often. If you are constantly having to spank all the time then it probably doesn't work on your child (as every child is different), or they are getting too used to it, which should never happen. A proper spanking should be a very occasional thing, something that happens only a few times a year in their growing years.
 * Boys should be spanked by their father, girls by their mother. When children are younger, this doesn't matter as much, but when a child gets around the start of puberty (11 or 12 usually), then the child should ONLY get spankings from the parent of the same sex, except in extraordinary circumstances where a spanking is needed IMMEDIATELY and the same sex parent isn't available.
 * The best age for introducing spanking in child discipline is 4-5 years. Younger children should not be spanked. Spanking can be very useful for older children. Even for teenagers it should still be an option, but rarely be used at this age.
 * If your child gets in trouble at school, that is your call. School misbehavior should be a zero-tolerance area in your house, and you should probably spank, unless you think the school's punishment was sufficient. Even if you don't spank, have a serious talk with the child about it.

Warnings

 * Never spank in any type of moving vehicle.
 * Never spank a child while angry.
 * Never spank a child anywhere other than the buttocks, and especially not the head or torso.
 * Don't spank children if you are not their parent or guardian. Babysitters, this is you. Not only may it be illegal, you could be convicted of a sex crime.
 * Be aware that if you choose to spank in public, you may be confronted by people who oppose what you are doing even if it is technically legal. This is especially true in areas where attitudes toward spanking are hostile.
 * Obey all laws restricting or banning spanking and other corporal punishment. In the United States, it is currently legal to spank your child, or a child you are the legal guardian of in every state except Delaware or any cities with laws that prohibited it, and some states prohibit spanking foster children. It is illegal for teachers and school personnel to spank children in 31 states. In Canada it is illegal for parents to spank children under the age of 2 or over the age of 12, as is spanking with any kind of implement. In New Zealand and 36 other countries worldwide, including most countries in continental Europe, all spanking is illegal, without exception.
 * Never use any kind of a tool to spank your child, except in extreme, extreme circumstances where your hand just won't do the trick. NEVER use an implement on a child younger than 8. Any implement must be used VERY carefully.
 * Try to avoid spanking in public whenever possible. NEVER spank a child over 8 years old in public as this can cause embarrassment and resentment, which is counterproductive and harmful to the parent-child relationship. Try to wait until you get home, and children older than 8 can certainty do that. For children 8 and under, try to wait to spank until you get back home. If that is not possible, take the child to a public restroom or the car to do it.
 * Don't give any kind of additional punishments like corner time; a proper spanking is punishment enough.

Related Tips and Steps

 * Give a Spanking