Help Children Through Divorce

Here are some tips which can help you to get your child through this difficult time.

Steps

 * 1) Be aware that your child might be self-blaming. Because younger children often view situations only from their own perspective, they assume that if it their fault when their parents divorce. Reassure them that they are not to blame and that they are still loved and lovable.
 * 2) Alleviate their worries. Children's biggest fear regarding divorce is what will happen to them, and therefore it is important to reassure them all the time that they will not be abandoned by their parents – even though the parents leave each other.
 * 3) Don't force children to take sides. Children always feel a deep loyalty towards both parents, regardless of the circumstances – and therefore they fear that they will have to take sides. This fear can become a heavy burden for them. When one of the parents abandoned the child, it is important to assure the child that he did nothing wrong to cause the parent to leave, and that grownups sometimes make wrong choices because they cannot relate to other people.
 * 4) Remember that your attitude will determine your child's attitude. Your words and actions can cause him unnecessary emotional pain, or can help him to grow in a positive way in spite of his circumstances.
 * 5) Help your child be a decision-maker. Because a child feels powerless during a divorce, you have to create opportunities where he can make decisions (even if it is just to choose his/her own clothes or decide what he/she wants to eat) so he can regain a sense of power. Create a set routine he/she can count on to give him/her a sense of security in his changing circumstances.
 * 6) Remember that your child will be confronted with this issue at school in his friendships, even if it never touches his household, and that it is important to talk to him/her about it. Most children think that arguments and fights are the only reasons people divorce, and therefore they fear that it will always be the case when there is conflict – and that they too will be abandoned when they make their parents angry. This is your child's single greatest uncertainty surrounding divorce, and it is important to assure him that the bond between the two of you can never be broken.

Tips

 * From Miss Myths: I'm a child whose parents were divorced. Dad moved out of the state, and there was these huge court things and it sucked so so bad. Everyone kept telling me, "No pressure." But the constant reminders were awful. Just keep a chill atmosphere, no lady in a pretty skirt asking me if they like it here or there, there or here. Chill atmosphere, k?

Sources and Citations

 * www.AnnaEmm.co.za