Deal With Children in a Divorce Situation

Dealing with children in divorce means thinking like a child while acting like an adult..

Steps

 * 1)  Try to see your ex through their eyes -- as their mother/father.
 * 2)  Remember that you will probably have to deal with your ex for the rest of their dependent lives.  Try to make the best of it.
 * 3)  Envision a happy life and healthy future for them.
 * 4)  Think of the benefits of the divorce -- such as parents being happier apart and less fighting.
 * 5)  Talk with your ex about continuing toward the original goals you shared in having children.
 * 6)  Broach the divorce to the children together, if your ex is willing.
 * 7)  Encourage them to tell you how they feel about it.
 * 8)  Do not take their anger personally.
 * 9)  Try to maintain discipline using the same rules and structure as prior to the divorce, unless those rules and structures were a cause for the divorce.
 * 10)  Spoil them with attention, not things.

Tips

 * Accept your ex's limitations.
 * Expect bad behavior from your children.
 * Remember to tell your children that you love them and always will, even when you're angry.
 * Scientific studies show that the #1 cause of maladjusted kids is conflict between the parents. Even if your marital/romantic relationship has ended, you need to be partners in parenting for the sake of the children both of you love.
 * try to tell your children the truth, they will find it out eventually and resent you for any lies no matter how well intentioned they were.
 * Put as much effort into your relationship with your ex as you would if you were together. be good exes, it can work with work.
 * remember when you embark on divorce that you will have to deal with your kids relationship to any other person you have a relationship with. It is not easy, it takes a special person to deal step children. you, as a woman, will probably be alone until your kids leave home.Then you will be an older woman and all that stuff is much harder. Meanwhiles,your ex will not have that problem and he will settle down and have more kids. If you think that you can handle this and still be friends with him go for it. If not patch up that relationship cos, if you can both work on it, it might just make life nicer.
 * put serious work into making your relationship with your ex work. your kids feelings are more imortant than your silly point scoring. Share present giving so there is no competition.give 50/ 50 money to Christmas and birthdays despite anything. do not give your child anything to resent you for. they will find plenty when they are teenagers no matter what you do.

Warnings

 * Don't badmouth your ex in front of your children
 * If you do badmouth your ex, apologize to them
 * Don't use your children to get back at your ex; your children love both of you the same, using them against your ex, is like having them choose which parent they love the most.
 * Most of the time, in divorce situations, somehow the children are overlooked, almost forgotten. The adults are so wrapped up in who gets what, that they don't realize how bad they are hurting their child(ren). Be sure to explain to your child, that they are still loved by both of you, and don't fight or argue in front of them. Be an adult in this situation, and be strong for your child.