Help a Hypersensitive Autistic Person

Do you have a friend, student, spouse, or loved one on the autism spectrum? Are some of their senses hypersensitive? Does it worry you to see them distracted or in pain? Here's how to make your home, school, or time together more comfortable to them.

General Tips

 * 1) Assume they mean it when someone says that something hurts. Autistic people's brains are structured differently from neurotypical people's brains. A noise that barely bothers you could feel like being thrust into the middle of an enormous marching bad to them. Assume that their pain is real and serious.
 * 2) Avoid acting like it's just a phase, or a childish attempt at attention. Sensory Processing Disorder is a medical condition that can cause distraction, discomfort, or even pain. Depending on the severity of the stimuli and disorder, it can cause...
 * 3) * Meltdowns and shutdowns
 * 4) * Loss of speech
 * 5) * Crying
 * 6) * Pain
 * 7) * Nausea/vomiting
 * 8) Ask how you can help them. Be proactive—talk to them before they start becoming distressed. Prevention is the best way to avoid pain or crises.
 * 9) * Ask when you notice that they look upset. "I notice that you're clenching your fists very hard. Is the music bothering you, or is it something else?"
 * 10) * If the person cannot speak or use alternative communication, you will have to observe and guess what is bothering them.
 * 11) Realize that symptoms vary, both from day to day and from person to person. Stress can make sensory processing more difficult, and their needs might be different from one day to the next.
 * 12) * Expect them to be hypersensitive to some things and hyposensitive to others. For example, maybe they are very sensitive to touch, but none of the tips in the "Vision" section apply to them.
 * 13) * Even within sections, some steps may not apply to them. Autistic people are very diverse!
 * 14) Set up an action plan for when they feel overwhelmed. That way, they will be able to leave and cool off before a meltdown can occur.
 * 15) * Help them identify good stims and self-calming strategies (e.g. counting, deep breathing, visualization).
 * 16) * Set up a quiet place at home or at school.
 * 17) * Make sure that they have a way to communicate when they need to leave. Encourage them to tell you as soon as they feel distressed, so it doesn't build up, and explain that they are never a bother.
 * 18) Be patient and accommodating. Anxiety about pain or overwhelm can play a role in sensory overload, so reducing their worries can help minimize the effects. Kindness can defuse a stressful situation.
 * 19) Know that it is possible that you will witness a meltdown or shutdown. Some autistic people experience these rarely; others melt down nearly every day. If they can communicate well, others always listen to their communication, and you do your best to be proactive, then meltdowns will be rare or nonexistent. Here are things that may happen in a meltdown:
 * 20) * Attempts to leave (This is good! Leaving will help them calm down.)
 * 21) * Strained tone of voice (They may sound curt without meaning to; they are simply in a lot of pain)
 * 22) * Out-of-control behavior (sobbing, flopping onto the floor, self-injury)
 * 23) * Never block their exit (they may panic) or call the police. Autistic adults and children have died at the hands of police.
 * 24) Help them find a good occupational therapist. An occupational therapist can introduce them to stimuli in controlled, nonthreatening ways to help desensitize them. This will reduce hypersensitivity in the long run. They can also teach useful coping techniques, such as stims and exercises.
 * 25) Find out what other autistic people do to handle Sensory Processing Disorder. Autistic people have a large presence online, where they share tips with each other about how to handle various problems. Check out the #askanautistic and #actuallyautistic hashtags to begin.
 * 26) Be sure to always listen to them—about their feelings and their needs. Validate their feelings, support them, and gently guide them. This way, they will know that they can talk to you when they need things.

Vision
People who are visually hypersensitive may be unable to handle bright colors, lots of movement, or unexpected movement.
 * 1) Keep any room decorations subtle. Fill rooms with calming pastel colors and minimal distractions (e.g. posters, toys outside of shelves, windows without curtains). Relaxing colors will help keep the autistic person from being distracted, because there will be less irrelevant sights to absorb.
 * 2) Pick places that won't be crowded when going outdoors. Choose closed-off areas as possible, or areas next to a wall or corner. Minimal movement will help the autistic person focus on you, rather than that noisy dog or businesswoman on her cell phone.
 * 3) Choose seating based on their visual hypersensitivity.
 * 4) * Autistic students can often concentrate best if they sit at the very front of the class.
 * 5) * Open doors and windows may be a distraction if there is movement outside.
 * 6) * Let them sit in a corner or next to a wall if possible.
 * 7) * Some autistic people prefer to sit facing away from visually distracting areas. Others prefer to sit facing them, so that nothing can catch them by surprise. Ask what works.
 * 8) Beware fluorescent lights. These may flicker, and even if it's imperceptible to you, it may be very painful or distracting to the autistic person. It may even cause a seizure. Leave right away if the lights are bothering them.
 * 9) Suggest sunglasses and/or putting up their hood if they are bothered by something that is out of your control.
 * 10) * This can help, but it won't necessarily fix the problem. Let the autistic person leave if it still bothers them.

Hearing
Autistic people who are hypersensitive to sound may cover their ears, wince in pain, or startle at noises that barely bother others. They may be especially sensitive to high-pitched noises (e.g. machinery) or low-pitched noises (e.g. vacuum cleaners).
 * 1) Find quiet, peaceful areas to hang out. Just as with visual hypersensitivity, autistic people with sensitive hearing can focus best when they are not in crowded areas.
 * 2) Avoid making sudden noises. Slamming doors, the clatter of plates, loudly clapping hands, etc. can all startle an autistic person and upset them. Ask the autistic person what bothers them, and find ways to work around it.
 * 3) * Don't allow doors to slam behind you.
 * 4) * Clap at a quiet or moderate volume.
 * 5) * Set down heavy things gradually, so they do not make a loud noise.
 * 6) Announce loud noises before you make them. Autistic people can better handle loud sounds when they have some warning to brace themselves, prepare with earplugs or covering ears, or leave. If you need to run the vacuum or the blender, tell the autistic person first, so they can employ a coping strategy.
 * 7) Make sure that they have access to earplugs. These can be more effective (or a good addition to) covering their ears. White/brown noise, noise-cancelling headphones, and thick rugs can also minimize sound for them.

Smell
If someone is hypersensitive to smell, they may pinch their nose, wave their hands, or wheeze when confronted with seemingly harmless smells. This may accompany or be mistaken for asthma.
 * 1) Avoid cooking foods that smell incredibly strong. To you, it might smell nice, but to them, it may feel as intense as wading through a sewer.
 * 2) * Ask them which smells bother them, so you know what to avoid.
 * 3) * Ask if there are any spices that they cannot bear smelling.
 * 4) * Only make the especially strong-smelling foods when they are out of the house, and will be gone for a while.
 * 5) Open windows or set up fans while cooking. This will help disperse the smell. Even when it feels gone to you, it could still be quite strong to the autistic person.
 * 6) Allow them to leave. Imagine being forced to eat next to a guy wearing overpowering cologne—and then triple that effect. If the autistic person shows signs of distress, let them go somewhere else.
 * 7) * They can eat in their bedroom or outdoors.
 * 8) * Perhaps they will eat at a friend's house on nights that you make chili.

Taste
Autistic people may prefer food that is considered children's food, because it tastes mild and does not assault their tongues.
 * 1) Provide bland "kid food" or "American food." If you think that a three-year-old could eat it, then a hypersensitive autistic person could probably handle it too. Here are some examples of mild meals that they may like:
 * 2) * Hamburgers
 * 3) * Chicken breast with ranch dressing
 * 4) * Noodles with marinara or butter
 * 5) * Cheese pizza
 * 6) * Chicken nuggets
 * 7) Consider the texture of the food as well. Autistic people may gag on strawberries because of seeds, or refuse to eat blueberries because they feel like "juice bombs." Ask the autistic person beforehand about what they can and can't handle.
 * 8) Serve any spices and flavorings on the side. This includes not only pepper or chili powder, but onions and garlic. Any strong flavoring can make food inedible to a hypersensitive autistic person.
 * 9) * The autistic person will be able to eat the food plain.
 * 10) * People who love spicy/flavorful food can make it even stronger.
 * 11) Avoid allowing foods to touch each other if you are serving them. It may seem silly to you, but the blend of tastes and textures can make it unpalatable for autistic people. This is less important with solid foods (e.g. French fries and chicken), but very important for less solid foods (e.g. applesauce and broccoli with melted cheese).
 * 12) Avoid trying to "hide" certain foods within foods that they like. If you do so, they may find out, and suddenly become suspicious of all food you give them.
 * 13) * If you want to give it a try, involve them in the process. Always ask them for permission first, and try involving them in the meal prep to reduce anxiety.
 * 14) Recognize the difference between poor motor skills and hypersensitivity. If an autistic person doesn't eat a big piece of chicken, it may be because the breading is spicy, or because they lack the motor skills to cut it into appropriately-sized pieces. It's best to ask why they aren't touching it.

Touch
Light touch and itchy sweaters disturb many autistic people.
 * 1) Avoid touching the autistic person without clear permission. With neurotypicals, a tap on the shoulder is a great way to get attention. With autistic people, it can be very alarming.
 * 2) * Ask first: "Would you like a hug?" Or extend your arms to offer a hug, and see if they reciprocate.
 * 3) * Never touch them from behind or without warning.
 * 4) * Remember that sensitivity varies from day to day. One day, they might love a hug, and the next, it might be too much to handle. This says nothing about how much they care about you.
 * 5) Avoid touching the autistic person when they are focusing on something else. For instance, rubbing their back when they are eating or doing homework may cause them to freeze, because they cannot process touch and their activities at the same time.
 * 6) * Don't be surprised if they go limp when they hug you. If they smile or rest their head on you, that's their way of hugging you back.
 * 7) Know that parents should always have children try on clothes before purchasing them. Itchy fabrics or sharp tags may make certain clothes unwearable.
 * 8) * Look for soft and breathable fabrics—cotton usually works well.
 * 9) * Set aside plenty of time for shopping. If your child feels rushed, they may end up buying something that they can't actually handle wearing.
 * 10) * Donate any clothes that turn out to be too uncomfortable.
 * 11) * This also goes for undergarments.
 * 12) Find a good detergent. Scented detergents, or ones with certain chemicals, may cause rashes. See which detergents are recommended for infants—an autistic child or adult's skin may be just as sensitive.
 * 13) Fill rooms with soft fabrics. The autistic person won't only touch their clothes—blankets, bedsheets, padded chairs, and more are all options.
 * 14) * Spend a little extra to find soft bedsheets that the autistic person likes. The boost in mood is worth the price.
 * 15) * If buying chairs for their room, look for the softest, most plush chair available. Have them try it out before purchasing.
 * 16) * When buying blankets, have them touch all the blankets in the aisle and select their favorite.
 * 17) * If they like stuffed animals, pick out the softest ones.
 * 18) Offer deep pressure. This provides calming stimulation that allows them to handle touch better.
 * 19) * Buy a weighted vest, blanket, or lap pad. (Large beanbags also work.)
 * 20) * Brush them, or provide a brush so they can brush themselves.
 * 21) * Give them a tight hug.

Tips

 * For young children who cannot communicate clearly, ask other people who work about the child about what is intolerable for them.
 * Remember that each autistic person is different. One woman may be sensitive to cloth textures, but not detergents. Perhaps your son can handle the smell of spicy food, but not garlic and onions. This article is a starting point, not a checklist, and it's best to find out the individual's needs.

Warnings

 * Never force an autistic person into a situation that they are not comfortable with. It won't end well.

Related wikiHows

 * How to Avoid Meltdowns
 * How to Use Calming Techniques to Help Autistic People
 * How to Talk to an Autistic Person
 * How to Reduce Sensory Overload

Sources and Citations

 * Cynthia Kim: Sensory Sensitivities and Atypical Sensory Processing
 * Sensory Sensitivities: Understanding Triggers

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