Cope After Being Abused by the Now Ex Wife

Having lived in an abusive relationship, there are going to be many confusing thoughts and feelings that arise in you. At times they may come up like a wave, washing over you in a all-encompassing surge. Don't allow yourself to drown or wash away into insignificance. Rise above the occasion and come up smiling. Also remember not to give her the pleasure of destroying you. You are more than just a statistic of abuse and that is what you do not want to be.Here are some steps you can take to help you work out these these strong feelings and thoughts.

Steps

 * 1) Take a deep breath. Thank God for his infinite mercy in protecting you from any further abuse. Look forward to your recovery, free of pain and miseries.
 * 2) As you are able to recognize that you are feeling emotional pain, in the moment and after the fact, have a plan on how you will work with it. Indulge yourself in fun loving activities. Try to get in touch with your lost self, the self you used to be before the marriage. Consider this as a closed chapter of your life. you are now ready for new beginnings,  a better life yet to come.
 * 3) As you recognize that you are using ineffectual coping strategies, let them go, repeatedly. (They never just stop because you will them to do so. You have to give them up over and over). Think of all these negative thoughts and why it would be better for you to let them go. Do not torture yourself time and time again.
 * 4) Develop effective coping strategies and practice, practice, practice. Meet new friends or people in order to get a breath of fresh air. Don't look for substitutes in a relationship until you are ready to move on and you have completely healed.
 * 5) Seek support from other people who have similar experiences. People who have recovered well and who will inspire you to greater heights. No point in finding people who have not yet recovered and who will drag you further down with them.
 * 6) Seek counseling to process your experiences and memories. Divulging your personal feelings to a professional in confidence will help you move forward. A way forward is all it takes, however small this may seem. Gradually strive for positive growth and move away from this unpleasant experience.
 * 7) Say NO to reconnecting to the person who has abused you and say NO to using another person to try and ease your emotional pain. A rebound relationship might feel like a good idea, but is a poor choice for building healthy relationships.
 * 8) Get rid of communal friends and acquaintances. If you share the same friends either get rid of them or allow them to choose whose side they are on. You don't need to be consistently reminded of this horror. Some insensitive people will constantly remind you of her activities without realizing the pain they put you through. Even if this portrays you as ruthless, it is something you need to do for yourself. It is a way of moving forward.

Tips

 * Use coping strategies that expend your emotional pain in the moment and that does not seek to suppress, ignore, nor act out.
 * Learn to recognize the coping methods you do use. Do they reduce your emotional pain or make it worse?

Warnings

 * Seeking to numb yourself with anything is a way of avoiding emotional pain. It can have its short time success, but it comes at a price. Emotional pain is never expended by avoidance, suppression or indulgence: it just gets stronger and harder to deal with. Unaddressed emotional pain leads to difficulties psychologically and physically.

Related wikiHows

 * How to Begin a Divorce