Live on Your Own Terms

Some people spend much of their lives in unnecessary anguish over others' expectations of them. The following may be helpful if you find it difficult to stand up to intrusive or authoritarian parents or those who would like you to follow a particular career path or lifestyle of their choosing.

Steps

 * 1) Get excited about the idea of living the life you choose rather than the life someone else wants for you.
 * 2) Believe that you are capable of making good decisions on your own.
 * 3) Write a personal intention statement describing the benefits of living on your terms--e.g., you will have joy, more energy, fun, a sense of purpose, and so on.
 * 4) Reread the personal intention statement daily.
 * 5) Find at least one support buddy-- someone with whom you trust to share your feelings.
 * 6) Plan meetings with the support buddy in which you each "take a turn" discussing your intentions, hopes, and goals, as well as how you will deal with the obstacles that arise.
 * 7) Read books to teach yourself how to have healthy boundaries and how to conduct yourself responsibly and nondefensively when responding to manipulative people. Suggested books: *Difficult Conversations* and *When I Say No, I Feel Guilty*.
 * 8) Practice. Roleplay with another person, standing up to the person whose judgment you fear most.
 * 9) Use the phrases you have rehearsed-- but this time, in real life situations that you find challenging.

Tips

 * A handful of notecards with encouraging phrases written on them can help to counter any negative thoughts that come up during this process. Reread them several times a day until they become incorporated into your automatic thoughts.
 * Expect the progress to be slow if you have been living on others' terms for most of your life thus far.
 * Be patient with your mistakes.
 * Develop persistence. Listen to the opposition but don't let it stop you.
 * Give yourself permission to live on your own terms. Don't wait for anyone else to do it.

Warnings

 * "Living on your own terms" should never be an excuse for hostile or grossly irresponsible behavior.

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Be an Individual
 * How to Dress Like an Individual at a School With a Dress Code