Live With a Perfectionist

Life can hold challenges when two people with different life perspectives live together. Whether the perfectionist is a parent, partner, or roommate, the following steps will make it more tolerable.

Steps

 * 1) Be patient. Perfectionists can seem neurotic and anxious to non-perfectionists. Sometimes you might even feel like you're being harassed, and a disagreement over a tiny detail can easily explode into an argument. Learn how to walk away when you feel angry and say "Let's talk about this later. I need to cool off." It also helps to avoid taking things personally.
 * 2) Try to see the world from a perfectionist's perspective. Cultivating compassion for people you don't understand can refuel your patience. Many perfectionists struggle with fear of failure and criticism. Read the following articles to get a deeper insight into what perfectionists struggle with:
 * 3) *How to Control Perfectionism
 * 4) *How to Find out What Makes a Controlling Person
 * 5) Remind the perfectionist that perfectionism is a choice, one that you have not chosen for yourself.  It's important to explain to the perfectionist that having things "perfect" makes them happy, but it doesn't make you happy, and doesn't serve any constructive purpose in your life. This may be hard for the perfectionist to understand, especially if they are in a position of authority and believe that they know what's best for you.
 * 6) Agree to maintain a certain standard. It doesn't have to be what they define as perfect, but it helps if you're willing to compromise by stepping closer in that direction than you normally would. For example, let's say you're perfectly fine with never making your bed for the rest of your life, and the perfectionist in your life wants the bed perfectly made every morning as soon as you wake up. Tell them that you'll make the bed by 10am, and you'll make it neat, but you won't make it perfect. Remind them that if hospital corners make them feel good, they can make them, since it doesn't make you happy at all. If they say that you should do it to make them happy, remind them that you're already doing extra work by making your bed at all.
 * 7) Consider compartmentalizing the spaces so you have a "free" zone.  This will give you an area in the home to let loose in and enjoy yourself without worrying about the repercussions. A perfectionist is more likely to agree to this if they don't have to see the area at all.

Tips

 * If you find yourself bending over backwards to satisfy the perfectionist at the expense of your own happiness, you might want to read How to Stop Being a People Pleaser.

Warnings

 * Many perfectionists do not see their quality as a fault, and tend to look for faults outside themselves.

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Deal With Impossible People
 * How to Cope With a Controlling Person
 * How to Cope With a Controlling Parent
 * How to Say No Respectfully
 * How to Cope With an Overbearing In Law
 * How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship