Survive After the Death of a Spouse

Coming home to an empty house is not easy. There is no one to greet you, and the chair opposite yours at the dinner table is empty. The house seems to echo from the silence and you shed a tear as you remember that you are now alone. So many years together, so many memories you two created together are all you have left. Losing a loved one changes your entire life, especially when the loved one was also your best friend. You feel completely lost and totally uncomfortable making even minor decisions. The bed feels big and you hug the pillows for comfort. But something inside you tells you that you can survive!

Steps

 * 1) Before you move on, fulfill any request that your late partner explicitly said before passing away. This will give you a peace of mind, and will ensure that you will not have any mental obstacles in your new life.
 * 2) Know that it will take time before you can begin to feel a sense of normal again. It will not just disappear. Be patient with yourself as you move through the process of grief. Grief is a lifelong journey and everybody experiences it differently.
 * 3) Understand that there are stages you will go through and they are not linear. You will experience denial, anger, resentment, sadness, and eventually an acceptance.  However, you may not do them in this order and you may, much like a roller coaster ride, go over these stages repeatedly over the course of your life with regard to the same loss.
 * 4) Do not pay attention to those who try to tell you that you are not grieving properly. Grief is as individual as you are, as your partner was, and as your relationship was. Specifically you will likely deal with some who think you are healing 'too fast' and those who think you have become 'stuck in your grief.' If you have concerns in those areas, talk to a grief counselor. He or she is far better prepared to help you navigate your new life than someone who has never dealt with the death of their significant other.
 * 5) Realize that you have choices. There is a time when you need to cry and there will come a time when you are ready to have a new life. When the tears come less often then you know it is time for your new life to begin.
 * 6) Do not worry that you will forget your spouse.
 * 7) Ask yourself what it was that you have always wanted to do but something you never had time to do because of family obligations. Now is the time to do it'! Be anything you want to be. Become an artist, a pilot, or a scuba diver. Take a ride in a hot air balloon. Most of all, strive to be happy and fulfilled. Your dreams can become a reality and help fill the void in your life. You will meet new people and realize that life can be satisfying and exciting even if you are alone.
 * 8) Be patient because this change may not come quickly or easily.
 * 9) Adopt a pet. If you don't have the energy to give a great amount of attention to a pet, consider a cat. They make great companions. They are clean and do not have to be walked. They give you love and affection. They give you someone to care for and care about.  They will greet you when you come home, and lie on your lap while you watch TV. If you are not a cat person  get a dog, or whatever pet makes you happier.  Understand that the pet will not replace your love, nor is it meant to, but animals can make you smile, listen to you when you feel like talking and fill a lonely day.
 * 10) Volunteer your time to a cause or something that you feel strongly about. Helping others can have a wonderful effect on ourselves.#[[Image:Read_book_952.jpg|250px|right]]Join the library and read. Most libraries have library buses that bring books to your neighborhood. Or you can rent a DVD, or watch movies on the TV. Write letters, or become a phone companion, a group that is backed by the Police Community Service. They make daily calls to shut-ins, to make sure that they are safe. Talk to them to keep them company and they will be keeping you company as well.

Tips

 * Consider seeing a grief counselor, therapist or join a support group.
 * Know that you are not alone.
 * Once you are no longer part of a couple, your married friends may drift away. It's sad, but sometimes a newly-single person is seen as a threat.  Be open to making new friends.
 * If you are thinking of suicide, there are better alternatives. Talk about the pain you are experiencing now that makes you believe suicide is your only way to relieve your pain. Be willing to talk about the problem for a few minutes.

Warnings

 * Suicide is not the way out. If you are thinking of suicide, call 911, call a hotline, or get yourself to a therapist as soon as possible!

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Cope With Loss and Pain
 * How to Help a Child Handle Father's Day After a Father's Death
 * How to Recreate Your Life
 * How to Make a Memorial Book
 * How to Be Thankful
 * How to Start Over Again
 * How to Communicate With Your Cat
 * How to Prepare for the Death of a Loved One
 * How to Remain Young Despite Becoming a Senior
 * How to Grow Old Without Feeling Old
 * How to Celebrate Loss After Death
 * How to Live Alone and Be Happy