Include Spanking in Child Discipline

This article does not intend to either promote or discourage spanking, but rather is intended to give parents correct instruction on using non-abusive spanking in discipline.

Spanking is a much-debated topic. Most child psychologists do not recommend spanking as a discipline method for children. However, other psychologists and many parents will tell you that a spanking given with fairness, love and care is an effective discipline technique. The decision as to the usefulness of spanking is best made by a child's parents.

It is gravely unfortunate that, there are many children who are abused under the guise of spanking, and this article is an attempt to inform parents in a way that would prevent abuse.

Steps

 * 1) Give your children clear boundaries. Knowing exactly what they can and cannot do is the foundation of happy and successful children that are honest and respectful of their parents, other adults and themselves.
 * 2) Learn which behaviors deserve a spanking: This includes lying and open disobedience. You must be fair with children. Spilling things, nose-picking, bed-wetting, arguing, even stealing are normal childhood behaviors that, while they may require action on the part of the parent to help a child mature, they are not spanking offenses. You must let toddlers, children, teens and young adults make mistakes and have normal childhood behavior that is age appropriate without making them miserable about it.
 * 3) Never harm your child. Any spanking should be meant to get their attention and establish your authority. Never spank them hard enough that they are going to feel it later. Always spank the child only on the child’s clothed bottom and only with your open hand.
 * 4) Cool off first. If you are angry, do not attempt to give your child a spanking. Tell them you need to think about this for a while and let yourself cool off and then re-evaluate the situation.
 * 5) Do not hit your child with implements or objects. Using belts, switches, spoons, paddles or worse on your child will never build the kind of respect and love that a properly administered spanking will. Only use your open hand on the child's clothed bottom.
 * 6) Know when to enforce discipline with spanking. Once children are old enough to understand "no," they are old enough for a spanking. This could occur as early as approximately 18 months, but varies by child. Be mindful that the force and amount of spanks should be reduced (i.e. a quick pat on the bottom) for very small children but the framework should be similar. If properly used, once a child has reached the age of 6 or 7, spanking will hopefully never be necessary again. On the other hand, if you have never spanked and a child is already 9 or 10, it is probably too late to begin once the patterns of parenting have been so firmly established.
 * 7) Do not spank too frequently! Again, spanking should be reserved only for the lying and open disobedience, and NOT used whenever one feels annoyed. If you do it all the time, it will lose any effectiveness that it might have and is just plain mean.
 * 8) Give them one warning. If you think that you were not clear the first time, you might have to clarify, but do not give warning after warning and expect any child to be compliant. They will always know that they can push and push and have their way once you give up. The child must clearly understand that there will be one warning and that’s it. If you do this, they will obey after one warning, if you give them ten warnings, they will probably never take you seriously. But please, you must take great care when disciplining your child, be fair, be clear and make sure that you understand what is going on; you should not turn back once you have declared "you've just earned yourself a spanking".
 * 9) Earn the respect of your child by being fair; you must also convince your children that when they behave in certain negative ways, the discipline will be quick and certain. In this way, they will learn the clear boundaries and seek to not overstep them to earn your trust.
 * 10) Do the following once you have decided that you must spank your child:
 * 11) *Tell them that they are going to be spanked.
 * 12) *Take them to a neutral area. If in the home, it should be out of sight of the other children. If at a restaurant or store, take them outside or to a corner where there are few onlookers. You never want to embarrass a child in front of siblings or other people any more than necessary for the moment.
 * 13) *Once in the proper location, carefully explain why they are getting a spanking and precisely the behavior that got them in this inevitable situation. Once the decision is made, do not consider turning back unless you become genuinely convinced that you have misjudged the situation.
 * 14) *Explain what is going to happen: [i.e. at age 3] "You are going to get 5 swats, and then we are going to talk about it for a minute, then it will be over."
 * 15) *If possible have the child lay across your lap with their bottom up. Deliver each swat with an open hand only on their clothed bottom and only hard enough that they feel mild discomfort.
 * 16) *Sit them up at eye level, repeat the explanation, and have them agree that they will not repeat the behavior again. Ask them to apologize.
 * 17) *Assure them that this is the end of the punishment (however, certain offenses or lack of remorse may require a time of quiet thought) and that you are not going to be angry with them about it.
 * 18) *Tell them that you love them.

Tips

 * Children depend upon structure and routine. This means that all of your discipline- whether or not it includes spanking- should be consistent and as much as possible ritualized. If the punishment for a temper tantrum is an early bedtime, it should stay an early bedtime as long as that remains effective. If the child is given "corner time" after a punishment to consider their actions, that should happen- as much as possible- every time. Whether the decision is when to use spanking as a punishment, how and when to explain their punishment and the reason for it, or whatever, you should be consistent. Structure and ritual are keys for childhood development.
 * Parenting can be a frustrating and difficult job, but clear, concise and fair discipline, including lovingly administered spankings will raise a child to be respectful and well behaved and will be a joy for everyone to be around.
 * Situational example: Katie and Kelcie are arguing, just bickering about who now gets to play with a toy. This is normal for 8 year olds. When you guide Katie, the older girl to let her sister have the toy for 15 minutes and she flatly refuses to do as you say, it's time for a spanking. She gets one further warning, and then it's spanking time and by 8, she already knows that this will happen and quickly complies without needing a spank after all.
 * About lying: Again, your child should clearly understand what a lie is and what it means to lie or steal. Also, the first time and only the first time, there should be a warning. All children try hiding things; they should not be spanked the first time that this normal behavior happens.

Warnings

 * Never harm your child; any spanking should be meant to get their attention and establish your authority. Never spank them hard enough that they are going to feel it later. Always spank the child only on the child’s clothed bottom and only with your open hand.
 * Do not use implements such as paddles, spoons, belts, switches, etc. It may qualify for charges for child abuse or corporal punishment.
 * Never spank someone else's child.
 * There are laws that control or prohibit spanking in many countries. (i.e. *Canada, spanking is restricted but not necessarily illegal. As of 2004, it is now illegal in Canada to (1) spank a child under age 24 months, (2) spank a child age 12 or older, (3) spank with any kind of implement such as a belt, switch or paddle - regardless of the age of the child, (4) spank children you are not the parent of, and (5) spank "bare bottom", regardless of the age of the child.
 * Never spank or hit a child on other parts of their body (head, face, legs, arms, etc.) These can be very dangerous and may cause injury to your child.
 * If you live in the United States, you may encounter people who openly criticize you if you choose to spank in public. Don't get into a debate with them. Simply walk away. Contrary to what you may hear, spanking is currently not illegal in any U.S. state, and you will only encounter more complications if you engage them.
 * Bear in mind that in some localities, if your child confides in another adult that they were struck, you might be reported to DYFS. If they confide in teacher, he or she would be legally obligated to report it.
 * Bear in mind that spanking may cause your child to become angry and aggressive, thus bringing a situation from bad to worse.

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Discipline a Child Effectively Without Spanking
 * How to Be a Good Parent
 * How to Put a Two Year Old to Sleep
 * How to Teach Manners to a Toddler
 * How to Handle Your Child's Temper Tantrum
 * How to Build Self Confidence
 * How to Build Character Through Integrity
 * How to Build Character

Sources and Citations

 * Positive Discipline, alternatives to spanking