Be a Man

It takes more than a pair of testicles to achieve manhood. A myriad of cultures around the world have rites of passage to symbolize it, but men in contemporary culture--just like women--usually have to adapt their sense of identity with the world's radical changes. This article focuses on the journey to manhood from boyhood, rather than any fundamental difference between men and women. Opinions on the finer points may differ, but being a man deserving of respect in today's world requires integrity, accountability, self-confidence, and self-knowledge.

Steps

 * 1) Know thyself. Understand that all men in all cultures have, to some extent, been socialized in ways that may be psychologically and culturally damaging, and may bring unhappiness.  The first step in creating a sense of self in manhood is to examine the environment in which you were raised, as objectively as you can.
 * 2) *[[Image:Strangling statues 7557.jpg|thumb|right|Family violence is never OK]]Did you grow up in a culture where it was acceptable to abuse someone, whether physically or verbally, who was 'out of line' or insubordinate? Violence is more often the result of cowardice than a genuine impulse to solve a problem; it's a reaction to frustration, a desperate seizure of power when nothing else is going your way. Using violence or threats against friends or family to "show your authority" is unhealthy and damaging. Dozens of philosophies and world cultures affirm that violence is only acceptable as a means of protection from imminent danger.
 * 3) *[[Image:Now you did it 7600.jpg|thumb|right|A Mentor must consistently teach a young boy when it is and isn't OK to cry.]]Were you taught to be "tough" to the extent that you were taught to suppress emotion, to hold in tears and never expose vulnerability? The drawback here is that you also learn to internalize and suppress these emotions which then fester and escape in undesirable ways. Focus on being tough to the extent that you can be a reliable, strong figure who can handle adversity.  Sometimes you must do unpleasant things for the sake of the people you care for, and this requires toughness, but find healthy ways to vent as well.
 * 4) *[[Image:Statuary 3915.jpg|thumb|right|A secure man doesn't hate or fear those who have no power over him.]] Were you taught to hate/fear anyone who's homosexual? Understand that only one thing makes you gay: having a romantic and sexual preference for people of the same gender.  The kind of music you like, the clothes you wear, whether you cry at sad movies, buying your wife flowers, being sensitive or nice to others, none of that makes you gay.  Furthermore, outward displays of homophobia indicate a man's own sexual insecurity.
 * 5) Develop yourself. Your body changed from that of a boy to that of a man, and so should your mind and heart. A boy trapped in a man's body is not a man at all. Think about any stereotypes you were taught (from the previous steps) and how you can overcome them. Understand that this process will differ dramatically from man to man, and will continue throughout your life. The important thing is that you learn and mature as time goes on.
 * 6) [[Image:The Hydrant Baptism 7259.jpg|thumb|right|Anyone can father a baby but only a man can be a father.]]Seek responsibility and take responsibility for your actions. The main difference between a man and a boy, and adult and a child, is that men are responsible. Men honor their commitments, accept their duties and are accountable for damages they incur, debts they owe and claims they make. Men clean up after themselves (figuratively and literally).  Men know that anyone can father a baby but only a man who understands and accepts responsibility can be a good father.  Men refuse to make anyone do anything they themselves are unwilling to do.  Sometimes men make sacrifices for the people they love and care about.  That's life. It's part of growing up, whether you like it or not. The difference between a man and a boy is that a man steps up to the plate, while a boy hesitates or complains.
 * 7) [[Image:Breakin' The Law 1944.jpg|thumb|right|Integrity is doing the right thing, for the right reason, even when no one is watching.]]Be a good man. It can be tempting to think that by meeting your self-defined responsibilities as a man, your job is done, but that doesn't necessarily make you a good person. Never stop trying to do the right thing and re-evaluating your character and integrity. If you're going to be a man, be a good man, or else it's no better than remaining a boy.

Tips

 * Surround yourself with good role models, even if they're younger than you are. Who in your life do you think is a good male role model? How do they act? What do they do? Learn from them, but remember that no one is perfect as well--they are still learning, just like you are.
 * You may not want to marry; that is your choice; marriage is not a requirement for being a real man.

Warnings

 * It takes years to develop the qualities that differentiate men from boys. We all grow at different speeds.  Keep working at it.

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Be a Good Father
 * How to Be a Great Husband
 * How to Be a Good Boyfriend
 * How to Build Character Through Integrity
 * How to Be Good
 * How to Be Manly