Stop Feeling Nervous About Eating Around Other People

Feeling nervous about eating around people is common among men, women, and children.Social notions tell us that it is not nice to be seen eating in public, mostly for fear that people will think we are eating too much, and will look "fat" or "undesirable." With all the mixed messages we get about beauty, propriety and health, it can lead many to worry about letting a mouthful pass the lips in public. If it is so bad that you can never eat outside of your own home or office cubicle, here's how to begin grasping that fear and learn to feel comfortable eating amongst people again.

Steps

 * 1) Think about why you have this fear. Is there anything you can remember from growing up that made you worry about being seen with food in public?  Some things that affect people from their childhood include:
 * 2) *Parental admonitions not to eat or snack outside mealtimes, which often coincided with being taken somewhere like school, the park or a friend's house.
 * 3) *Reading magazines, watching TV and other media images may have impacted heavily on you - pictures of women eating were usually shameful ones that were accompanied by instructions that you should never be seen like that. How many supermodels did you remember being photographed with food in their mouths?!
 * 4) *Fastidious eating habits in the home. Mother might have picked at her food and not served herself very much at home and father might have praised her tiny figure.  When you went out as a family, this same mother would have still picked at her food despite how beautiful it looked but worst still, left most of it sitting on the plate to be returned to the poor chef.
 * 5) *You were told like most young kids to stop chewing gum, stop dribbling, stop dropping crumbs, etc., but this went on into your teen years as well.
 * 6)  Move from the past to now. What are your feelings about food now?  Do you fear food, love it or feel indifferent towards it?  Usually those who fear it or love it are at most risk of suffering angst at eating out.  This is really for the same reason - the fear of getting or of being perceived as overweight.  There is a lot of anxiety brought up by this worry and the belief that people are thinking you are being judged by what passes your lips.  If you feel indifferent but still don't enjoy eating out, there may be other reasons bothering you, like an inability to cope with crowds, bright lights or loud noise (some restaurants can be way too noisy!).  Try to figure out what the problem is if it is not food and see if you can change things, for example, choose a dimly lit, quiet, uncrowded cafe on the other side of town.
 * 7)  Recognize that this is a phobia and not about the way you look. When you are required to eat outside your safety zone(s) (i.e., home, office cubicle, car, etc.) and this sends you into sweats or totally paralyses you to the point of turning down invitations to eat out, then you are most likely suffering from a social phobia.   When you obsess about how you appear to other people and focus only on appearing perfect, you are setting yourself up for a great disappointment,  as well as missing out on having a good time in public.  Not only is nobody perfect - the reality is that very few people are interested in watching food pass through another person's lips and then associating this act with imperfection. The odd person who might do this would be rare indeed and probably isn't someone you'd ever want to be friends with anyway!
 * 8)  Focus on what is good about you. You are a unique and important individual.  Think of your good features, the things that you like the most about you and project these more for others to see. Accentuate your smile, highlight your eyes, dazzle people with your sense of humour or engage them with your amazing tales of workplace antics - find the strengths in you that make you feel comfortable. At the very least, try to be happy to be with the people you're with and let this ease some of your tension.
 * 9)  Look around you. Realise that everyone feels uncomfortable some of the time. There may well be other diners feeling bad for one reason or another but they're doing their best to cover it. Your focus may be so intensely placed on your own feelings that you are overestimating the abilities of other people sitting around you.  They all have imperfections (they're human) and your worry about them being better than you can be easily dispelled with a glance around to see people dropping bits off their forks, casting nasty stares at each other over an unforgotten argument, tipping over the sauce, dropping a napkin, coughing madly when the parsley gets stuck...  Try to take a distant and humorous view of what you are seeing to help you put it into perspective.  It's important for you to realise this, otherwise you may set yourself up to fumble and fail at the dinner table precisely because you think less of yourself.
 * 10)  Buff up your social and table manners.  If you are afraid of eating out because you don't trust your table manners, try and do something positive to help overcome these concerns.  Take a small course in how to use table utensils or read up on table manners.  This will shift the focus away from the food and onto discovering how table manners can actually provide a buffer between you and the world around you.  People do observe how a fork is held or if elbows are on the table; these seem to consume far more interest than the food a person is consuming!
 * 11)  Avoid the hard foods.  If you're worried you'll spill something or shake and drop something, avoid the foods that might bring this about.  Steer clear of spaghetti, Laksa, lobster, hamburgers, jelly or any other sloppy, squishy, squirmy foods.  Prefer small pasta sizes, thin slices of meats or cheeses, bread, salads, fruit and other food more easily managed.  Make a list of the foods you think you can eat without embarrassment or worry.  Learn this list off-by-heart so that when you do go out, you can look for your easier foods like it's second nature.
 * 12)  Pick a trusted friend and start small.  If you feel safe telling a trusted friend or member of your family about your phobia, you can ask them to help you out.  Tell them that you'd like to take small steps to return to eating out.  Try coffee and one biscuit (cookie) first.  On another occasion, try a piece of cake.  Graduate to a restaurant and a salad with your friend.  Ask him or her to boost your confidence during these meals by reminding you that no one is concentrating on your eating.  Keep going until you are ready to plunge into the 3 course meal with this friend.  Take it from there and try more friends or family members.  This should be gradual and you should allow yourself retreats if needed; it is about gradually reintegrating yourself back into it, not throwing yourself into it.
 * 13)  See a health professional. If you are truly stuck in the pattern of avoiding eating out and thereby limiting your social life to dinners at home with the cat and you really don't feel that making any of these suggested changes on your own will work (or that you can even attempt them), then you must consult a health professional.  Psychologists, psychiatrists and even your general doctor might be the sort of professionals to consider.  Most importantly, you need to talk through the underlying feelings that are nurturing this fear.  Be gentle on yourself - unload the baggage with a neutral party who is trained to treat social phobias and you'll have a greater chance of success of overcoming it.

Tips

 * See a nutritionist or dietician for dietary improvements. See a psychologist, psychiatrist or your doctor for talking through emotional issues attached to an eating problem.
 * If you have a pounding heart, sweats, anxiety (panic) attacks, butterflies, sick stomach, flushes, etc. or feel faint at the thought of eating out or when actually eating out, you have a recognised anxiety condition and should see a health professional for treatment.
 * When you feel stronger about eating out, you can start a little game in your mind to help keep you calm. Whenever you start to feel any of the panic returning, use the "looking around" step outlined above and turn it into a game - ask yourself who is having a bad day, who is having trouble with their food, who has a stain on their tie, which couple is stressed about issues etc.  Then see how these people are dealing with the imagined problem and relax in the knowledge that you're not alone in feeling a little anxiety at being out in public.
 * Bring [[Image:239832939_b99956f033.jpg|thumb|Teach good eating habits early]]children up from an early age to respect themselves and to make healthy food choices. Let them know that they are important to you, that you respect them for who they are and you appreciate their talents.  Explain to them the importance of eating well for the sake of their health, not their looks. Set a good example yourself by eating healthily, enjoying meals together as a family at least once a day.  Be proactive in helping them to learn the joy of eating together as a form of sharing, communicating and enjoying the best things in life. Teach them about respecting the shapes and sizes that people come in and never make negative comments about weight in front of your children.
 * You must learn how to relax your body. This is fundamental to staving off anxiety. Where are your shoulders? Up near your ears? You're probably not relaxed. Put them back in place, correct your posture, relax the muscles in your face and remind yourself that you are a charming, worthy person. Breathe deeply, smile and dig in.

Warnings

 * Don't let this go on forever; it can ruin your enjoyment of life by curtailing your outings. People will notice eventually that you always turn down invitations and then, the calls stop coming.  Be as honest as you can with your most trusted friends and get them to help "guard" you until you feel stronger.  And see a health professional if you can't do this alone.  The longer that you leave the problem, the more entrenched it will become and the harder it will be to break. It is always possible to change with a will, but it's more easily done the earlier you seek help.

Related Tips and Steps
evitar el miedo a comer en público
 * How to Bring Severe Social Anxiety Under Control
 * How to Survive With Anxiety and Panic Disorder
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