Help a Family Member Who Has Autism or Asperger Syndrome

Living with a family member with autism or Asperger's Syndrome can be difficult. This article will try to help you better understand the family member and their needs.

Steps

 * 1) Love and accept them. The most important thing is not to blame them. It is easy to get frustrated, but remember that it's nobody's fault.
 * 2) Remember that you're not the only one getting frustrated. People with autism don't "do it on purpose", and they can't help it. They're not trying to annoy you. They're not being difficult intentionally. They're doing the best they can with what they have, just like you are.
 * 3) If you need to tell them something important, make sure you have their attention. Have them repeat what you just said.
 * 4) Don't just talk to them when you have something important to say. Whether they can speak or not, don't ignore them.
 * 5) Try to give the family member's life structure. Aim to not change things on the spur of the moment.
 * 6) Keep with them. Some people with Asperger's or autism will wander off or leave the house. If you're in a crowded place like an amusement park (unlikely, as the crowds and noise may cause a problem), make sure you can see them.  In your house, for children, lock the door with a deadbolt higher than they can reach.
 * 7) Don't get frustrated if they keep talking about the same topic constantly or asking questions about things you've already explained. Respond and change the subject if you wish.
 * 8) If they are still school aged, talk to their teacher(s) before school starts.
 * 9) Make lists. Some people with autism, even mild or high-functioning autism, often have to be reminded to do the most mundane things. Even a teenager or adult may benefit from having a list of things to do every morning, like "brush your teeth", "take a shower", etcetera. The list can be hidden in a drawer if the person is embarrassed by needing it.
 * 10) Make a schedule. Include everything that goes on in a day. If the person is school-aged, include things like "leave for school", "get home from school", "do homework", "eat a snack", etcetera. Be sure to include free time!
 * 11) Laminate the schedule so that temporary changes can be made, such as when somebody comes to visit, or when school is on vacation.
 * 12) If a last-minute change must be made, write it on the schedule in dry-erase pen as soon as possible. This will give the person with autism time to get used to it and understand it. If this is not possible for some reason, talk to the person about it as soon as possible. Again, this gives the person some time to get used to it. Never assume that the person will like the surprise or that that makes it okay not to tell them about it ahead of time.
 * 13) Remember, autistics thrive on schedule. Even if a surprise would be enjoyable or exciting for a normal person, autistics are easily overwhelmed by changes in routine. Therefore, avoid surprise parties. Tell the autistic if you plan to take him or her to a fast food restaurant to play on the toy (if they're that young), or out to dinner, or anything that's not routine for them.
 * 14) If there are things that happen less than daily, remind the person of them the night before, again in the morning, and again if possible shortly before the event. This includes sports practices (yes, people with autism can play team sports), and music or dance lessons.
 * 15) Better yet, make a weekly schedule. Don't rely on a "do every day" page; instead, put the things that must be done each day on the schedule for each day. This will also allow the person with autism to see how today will be different from yesterday, especially from the weekends to weekdays.
 * 16) Try to keep each day similar to the rest. For example, if the person has a baseball practice one day, plan something every day at that time. That way, the person won't be used to being home and having free time or studying at the time they go to baseball the one day.
 * 17) Remember, even if a person with severe autism can't speak, they can almost always understand normal speech. Never ignore a person with autism just because they can't speak.
 * 18) People with autism and especially Asperger's Syndrome, tend to get obsessed with a usually narrow interest. Take some time to listen to them talk about it. Schedule some time to listen to them every day if possible, and put it on their schedule. Make sure to put in the schedule that they "can talk about *insert special interest here* to *your name*". This will give them something to look forward to. However, if they don't seem interested in talking to you, don't force them. Let them read about their special interest or do something else instead.
 * 19) Remember, even if it annoys you, listen to them as often as possible. Even if they're completely obsessed with a certain model of car and you barely know a car from a semi, listen. Read something about it if you can. You don't have to become an encyclopedic entry about the car (after all, that's likely to be the person with Asperger's), but if you know something, you can respond appropriately, and the process will be easier on everyone.
 * 20) Try to learn as much about AS/autism as possible. A good place to start is typing 'Asperger Syndrome' into a search engine.

Tips

 * Don't over-react. Learn to take things in your stride
 * Remind the affected person about things they may have to do. Don't reel them off in a list. If a child had to put something on the table, turn off the TV then put on shoes; remind about the TV after the table task, and remind them to put on shoes after turning off the TV. People with ASD have marvelous minds, but can forget to do the simplest tasks.
 * Be aware of any hyper-sensitivities the person with AS/autism has.
 * You often have to speak literally when dealing with a person with AS/autism. Often they don't fully understand figures of speech such as idioms, metaphors, etcetera. Try not to exaggerate things. Don't say "I'll just be a minute" when you know you'll be closer to five.
 * Sometimes, however, idioms can be taught. It's a good idea to try to teach some of the most common ones if possible. That way, the person with autism won't get confused when hearing other people who use idioms. Try to teach them like you'd teach a foreign language, repetition and practice. Make worksheets, have them define them a few times, incorporate them in practice conversations. If you're talking to them and they use it for the first time, ask them if they know what it means. If they can define it, you've got it!

Warnings

 * These are just some tips. You should consult a specialist and read available literature to learn more.
 * Not every person with autism or every person with Asperger's is exactly the same.
 * Even if you find someone the same age as the person with autism, who also has autism and acts very similar, there's no guarantee that the two will get along. With that said, don't be afraid to introduce them - they may well become best friends!
 * Despite your best efforts, sometimes you will have to deal with an autistic fit. There are few things more frustrating than this, because even the person throwing the fit often has no idea why or how to explain what's wrong.
 * Remember, autistics are easily overstimulated. Even the bright colours of a candy shop can overwhelm them.

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Learn to Cope With the Autistic Child
 * How to Cope with Depression
 * How to Deal With Anxiety
 * How to Cope With Having Autism or Asperger Syndrome