Go from Introvert to Extrovert

If you're an introvert, how do you balance the introvert and extrovert parts of yourself, such that you enjoy both types of activities equally, rather than looking forward to one and dreading the other? If you’re very introverted, you may undervalue the positive role people can play in your life.

It is very important to note that introversion is not a pathology to be fixed, but a natural and healthy personality trait. That said, it sometimes can be convenient for the introvert to foster the ability to emulate extroversion. This article seeks to help an interested introverted reader become capable of acting as an ambivert, or someone who enjoys social interaction and solitude equally.

Steps

 * 1) Stop undervaluing extroversion. You might think being an extrovert is "too much hassle" but it does have its benefits (as does introversion). You don’t have to give up the introvert activities you enjoy. In fact, when you balance them with more social activities, you may find them even more satisfying. After several nights of being around people, you might really look forward to a night by yourself to read, meditate, write, etc.
 * 2) *Enhance your career - By networking, you have more job opportunities available to you, and you're more likely to get a position that gives you the experience and/or package you prefer. Whether we like it or not, there's some truth to the phrase "It's not what you know, it's who you know."
 * 3) *Find your soulmate - If you have had trouble meeting someone who's compatible with you, then expanding your circle of friends is one way to increase the probability of meeting that special someone.
 * 4) Envision the type of extrovert you’d like to emulate. If you find the extroverted people around you shallow and perhaps even annoying, why would you want to be more like them? You wouldn’t. Maybe your vision of an extrovert is an in-your-face salesperson who only wants to build a shallow relationship with you so they could sell you something. But you needn’t choose such a limited vision for yourself — you’re free to form your own vision of a positive way to be more extroverted.
 * 5) Find the right social group for you. Why would you want to spend more time with people you don’t like? If acting more extroverted means spending more time with people you’d rather avoid, you’ll have no motivation to do it. Again, you’re free to form a social group that you’d love to be a part of. Consciously consider the types of people you’d want to have as friends. There’s no rule that says this has to be your peers or co-workers.  Don’t be afraid to stretch beyond the most obvious peer group and hang out with people from different ages, neighborhoods, cultures, countries, etc. You might find the variety to be a lot of fun.
 * 6) Develop your social skills. One reason many people shy away from social activities is that they don’t feel comfortable because they don’t know what to do, especially if the unexpected were to occur. Being able to start up a conversation with a stranger AND feel completely comfortable doing it is a learnable skill. The more you do it, the better you get at it. Embrace the fact that you’re out of your element, and don’t compare yourself to others. One approach you might find extremely effective is to ask the other person how s/he got started in his/her current line of work. 80-90% of the time the person will say something like, “Well, that’s an interesting story….” And you might genuinely like hearing these stories. A small amount of practice can go a long way to making the next time you meet someone a bit easier. Approach your social abilities the way a student would approach a class, or an athlete would approach a sport. Do your homework, give yourself assignments, and test yourself until you get it right:
 * 7) *Look approachable
 * 8) *Introduce yourself
 * 9) *Have a great conversation
 * 10) *Flirt
 * 11) *Ask someone out on a date
 * 12) Take your social life offline. Online socializing has its place in your life, but it can be a pale shadow compared to face-to-face communication. Voice and body language can communicate a lot more than text, and emotional bonds can be easier and faster to establish in person. You don’t have to do away with online socializing, but neither must you allow it to crowd out meeting people locally. Instead, see if you can use the Internet as a starting point for real life friendships. Many introverts have no trouble socializing online; in that environment they’re able to play from their strengths. But you can also use your strengths consciously as leverage to branch out into more face-to-face socializing. If you use forums, for example, you could focus on local ones and search for opportunities to meet up offline.
 * 13)  Join a club. It’s old advice, but it still works. The advantage is that you’ll find people who share similar interests, which makes it easier to build new relationships. One good club can fill your social calendar. If you join a club and find that it’s not right for you, quit and join something else. You may go through a number of local social groups that just don't resonate with you (too boring, too slow, too disorganized, too many alcoholics). But one good group is all you need.
 * 14) *Join or start a book club. This is a great way to turn a solitary activity into a social one.
 * 15) *Join a band. If you play an instrument or sing, find a group you can harmonize with. Not only will you meet them, but if your band gets really good, people will introduce themselves to you.
 * 16) *Join Mensa. Having trouble finding people who can hold a conversation with you? This might be your ticket to friendship.
 * 17) Think of relationships in terms of what you can give, not in terms of what you can get. If you seek to build new relationships based on mutual giving and receiving, you’ll have no shortage of friends. Identify people with whom you’d like to build a relationship, and start by giving. For instance, geeky knowledge is actually a tremendous strength when it comes to socializing because there are an awful lot of non-geeks who’d like to understand geeky stuff better, and you can explain it to them in ways they’ll understand. Think about it: What can you bring to a relationship that will be of benefit to someone else? When you figure out what that is (and it’s probably many different things), you’ll have an easier time attracting new friends into your life.

Tips

 * Being introverted is not the same as being shy. An introvert genuinely enjoys solitary activities more than social ones, whereas someone who's shy stays away from social situations because of fear and anxiety. If you're someone who wants to talk to people and socialize but feel paralyzed, or if you don't feel self-confident, you're probably grappling with shyness. Take a look at How to Overcome Shyness.

Warnings

 * While shyness and social anxiety are afflictions which can be addressed and overcome, introversion is a fundamental personality trait that is generally stable over your lifetime. You are unlikely to truly become an extrovert, even with work.
 * Your desire to help people can kick start your social life, but don't let it define you; strive for mutually beneficial relationships, where both parties give and take, rather than one person doing all the giving. If you're the kind of person who has trouble saying no, you might want to read:
 * How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
 * How to Break the "Nice Guy" Stereotype

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Make Friends
 * How to Network
 * How to Have a Great Conversation
 * How to Start a Conversation With Someone on the Train, Bus or Subway

Sources and Citations

 * StevePavlina.com - Original source, shared with permission.