Relate to Someone who Has Asperger's Syndrome

You might know someone with Asperger's syndrome, and you might not even know that they have it. This should help you relate to them, and show you some ways to get them to leave their shell and interact.

Steps

 * 1)  Read articles and books about Asperger's Syndrome, preferably those written by people with the condition.
 * 2)  Find someone who displays characteristics of Asperger's. You can't exactly do any of the other steps if you don't.
 * 3)  Approach them slowly, and casually. If you see them in one spot every day, say around noon, start bringing your lunch to that spot, and sit next to them. Don't talk to them the first time, let them get used to your presence first.
 * 4)  Start a small conversation. People with Asperger's are not very good at conversations, so you will probably need to lead them. You know, start by introducing yourself, and asking their name, then ask them about themselves. For now you just want to get them talking, what about isn't really important yet.
 * 5)  Try to find some common ground, some activity that both of you enjoy. Agree to get together some time and do it. Show up for the get-together on time.
 * 6)  Lay your emotions bare to them. Tell them how you feel, even when you think it's patently obvious, and ask them to do the same. They'll love you for it.
 * 7)  If they are acting strangely, tell them (if it dangers them or others). It's important to let them know. Don't say it meanly either, just say: "Most people don't do that"; or, "That's usually considered inappropriate"; or just "Please don't do that". If it's no harm to anyone, then leave them alone. It could be a comfort to them.
 * 8)  Introduce them to your other friends, and try to keep everyone getting along. They may act differently in the presence of your friends, or their friends. They may simply not get along. Don't try to force them to get along with your friends. They will probably be most outgoing when encountered one on one.

Tips

 * Never lie to someone with Asperger's or otherwise say or lead them to believe you'll do things for them that you have no intention to. People with Asperger's, especially those that have been bullied as children, often have trust issues and even if they only catch you lying even once, may never trust you again.
 * People with Asperger's tend to be considered "smart". It might be a good idea to ask them to help you with something they are good at in exchange for your helping them meet people. This will allow you two to relate more.
 * Don't coddle them, but try to protect them from bullies and authority figures. People with Asperger's often have a hard time defending themselves.
 * People with Aspergers are highly factual and they do like people that express opinions. Try to keep your opinions to the minimum unless you are an expert on that topic or experienced something.
 * They will probably seem distant most of the time. This is normal. If that (or something else) hurts your feelings, explain as directly and calmly as can what hurt your feelings and why, and work out an agreement that both of you can live with.
 * Be willing to make compromises while you're with them. People with Asperger's often have symptoms similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Having no control over their environment can cause a great deal of anxiety and lead to depression.
 * They may be a bit obsessive. Try to put up with it. Rearranging or otherwise 'touching' their personal belongings is generally a bad idea. Never borrow things without asking in advance and prepare in case you are told 'no'.
 * If you are in love with them, be direct about your feelings. Make sure you ask if they love you in return before acting on your feelings. It is important to have them explain what sort of love they feel for you (if any), someone with Asperger's may say 'I love you' but mean it in different ways - i.e. family, sibling or friendship love.
 * Never talk down to someone with Asperger's Syndrome, or talk to them like you would to a child. It is deeply offensive and can cause someone with AS to doubt themselves and reinforce/cause depression. How would you like it if someone treated you like a child?
 * The Aspie may not know how to accept a compliment.
 * Leave him alone if (s)he is angry, especially if you had just unintentionally distracted or interrupted him/her. Most Aspies have difficulty in dealing with anger. Some may immediately throw a volcanic tantrum no matter where they are at. Some Aspies internalize anger when people are around and blow up when nobody is around. When the tantrum is finished, the Aspie will go on as if (s)he had never thrown the tantrum.
 * Be aware that Aspies have trouble expressing their feelings verbally. Many Aspies find it easier and better to express their feelings through writing and poetry.
 * Many Aspies find it much easier to communicate on social networking sites such as MySpace or Facebook than it is to communicate verbally.
 * However, the is not always true, Asperger's individuals sometimes eschew these activities for in-person meetings due to paranoia over getting social skills right.
 * Even if the Aspie cannot stand to be around people for long, invite him/her to your birthday party. It is better to be invited to a party and never show up than to not be invited at all.
 * It's not good to stereotype Aspies, they are all unique and even those with mild Asperger's can seem like any other person sometimes. You must remember if that's the case, that they still do have a social challenge, even in a relationship, and may be extra careful that they're not doing something wrong, even though you may have reassured them over and over again. Just be patient and get used to it. This will probably be for an indefinite time, maybe all their life. They are people who have feelings and worth, even if they seem like aliens or robots sometimes to those who don't understand Asperger's, and they deserve the same respect and compassion as anyone else.
 * All aspie's are very unique in their own way, and are much more independent than other people, even though they may come across as very gentle and happy people. Sometimes your personalities can easily clash, as all aspies are very strong about what they believe in. Some aspies can get extremely upset or angry with certain people, but try to live with the aspies beliefs and opinions because they strongly stick by them.
 * Even small things, like asking a girl out, cause big anxiety and are troublesome to aspies. Most of the "small" things are "Big Stuff" for them.
 * Never over-react to their mistakes, this may make them feel uncomfortable around you, if you just simply tell them where they went wrong without making a big fuss, you will earn their trust.
 * Remember, aspie's are easily overstimulated. Even the bright colours of a candy shop can overwhelm them. Learn to deal with it even try and join in with them and say things like "Wow!, that does look nice." Never tell them to stop,unless it is putting them in danger, as this may lead to depression.
 * Some aspies may feel more confident talking to someone who Is Not their own age. Either being older or younger. As many aspie's may have been bullied by peers of this own age group when they were younger.
 * Some aspies, particularly males, may feel more comfortable hanging out with people of the opposite gender.

Warnings

 * Do not encourage someone with Asperger's to behave in an inappropriate manner. Doing so will likely cause them to behave in the inappropriate manner more often. Pretty soon they're doing it all the time. This is a bad thing.
 * Subtle hints don't work, if you want to communicate then simply say it.
 * Always practice consistency. Mixed messages or regularly changing your mind can cause someone with Asperger's to trust you less or make them angry with you.
 * People with Asperger's are very gentle people. But when they get noticeably angry they usually mean it.
 * Some people with Asperger's don't enjoy being touched, so be careful about giving them hugs, hi-fives, ect.
 * Many people with Aspergers may not show much empathy towards other people. This is not because they are trying to be rude, they are expressing their unique individuality.
 * Many people with Aspergers are very nice people. However, they're only human. Like with any other human being, your personalities may 'clash'.

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Live with Asperger's Syndrome

Sources and Citations

 * Wikipedia on Asperger Syndrome