Rebuild Your Social Life After Divorce

Divorce is the end of a relationship but it's not the end of the possibilities for new and revived relationships in your life. It's important to reach out and reintegrate yourself into social life following divorce so that you improve your self-esteem and connect with people whose support and friendship will help to restore your sense of wholeness again.

Steps

 * 1)  Look to your existing friends first. Of those, who has been a source of support for you throughout the divorce? Continue seeing them and nurturing your friendships with them. Once you feel stronger, be sure to reciprocate their support and recognize all that they have meant to you.
 * 2)  Consider the friendships that you might have let go by the way during the marriage. There might be some friends it is worth reconnecting with, even after a long time. People can be very understanding, especially when they've been through similar experiences themselves, and it will help to grow your circle of friends.
 * 3)  Look for new friends. Divorce is often a time of life when you reassess your personal direction and the things that you have done. It is an ideal time to start hobbies, sports, activities, jobs/job changes, volunteering, etc. Think about the things that you like doing and would like to do. Explore the ways in which you might fulfill these desires such as joining a club, a gym, a charity, a sports team, etc. When doing something that you really enjoy, you will meet others of a similar mind and inevitably, some of these people will become your friends. Meeting people this way tends to be far more reliable and solid than meeting people in entertainment contexts.
 * 4)  Join a divorce support group. It will amaze you how similar the experiences of other people can be and how you can derive an incredible sense of solidarity and support from hearing others express their emotions and experiences. All of a sudden you're no longer alone but you are with people who know what you've been through. Discussing these issues in a safe, unpressured environment can help you to rebuild your social life through an increased sense of self-worth, commonality and shared strength.
 * 5)  Offer to help people. This doesn't need to be any formalized volunteering, although it can be if you wish. Offer to drop an elderly neighbor off at the mall, offer to collect a friend's daughter from dance class, offer to help bake cookies for the upcoming bake sale. Don't stop doing the helpful things that you did pre-divorce and consider increasing this helpfulness. It will get you out and about, meeting people, interacting with the community. And it will help create networks for you, connecting you with opportunities that you're not aware of. In turn, people will help you.
 * 6)  Avoid the temptation to feel sorry for yourself for an extended period of time. You have suffered a great loss and you have been grieving. It's likely you're thinking about "what could have been". While these emotions and feelings are important to go through and to acknowledge, there must be an end to the grieving. Sitting at home feeling down all the time will not improve your life and won't result in creating a social life for yourself. Talk back to your negative feelings and remember that you are a very worthwhile and valuable individual no matter what has happened. Divorce happens to two people and it is soul-destroying to live on blame and recriminations. Be confident that you can rebuild your life in small steps and that the most effective rebuilding occurs when you reach out to others.

Tips

 * If you are finding the transition period hard and you're really down, see your health professional for advice and possible counseling. Don't delay in the hope that you can overcome this challenge alone; that can often be a recipe for making it worse for yourself.

Warnings

 * Be very careful of using online communities as meeting your need to reach out. On the one hand, this is easy to accomplish and you will always find people who have been through your experiences. On the other hand, people you "meet" in this fashion are not right next to you and cannot offer the real warmth and social life that you need at this time. Your communications with people online are very different from relationships in the real world. Keep your online socializing in its place and don't rely on it too heavily.

Related

 * How to Do a Collaborative Divorce