Tell a Child About an Absent Parent

Dad gone to defend the peace somewhere else in the world? Mom off analyzing penguins in Antarctica? What is the best way to inform your young ones when you're the partner left behind to care for them and raise them for a time? It depends on the reason, the possible outcomes and the age levels of the children.

Steps

 * 1) Explain regular business/work absences with consideration for the reasons. If the absence is predictable and regular, for example, business trips, tell your child when the other parent is coming back by showing them a calendar and talking it over with them. Make it a point of open family discussion to discuss regular travel, so that it becomes a normal expectation within the family and all members do not feel it reflects upon them and can plan for impacts such as special sports, awards and celebratory occasions well in advance.
 * 2)  Explain sudden absences according to what has happened and the age of your child.
 * 3) * If it is a business trip out of the blue, it is a good idea to explain to your child that sometimes mommy or daddy need to travel for work and that they won't be gone for long. Have the other parent promise to bring back a toy/souvenir or a special photo or memory.
 * 4) *If the absence is unpredictable (say, for instance, that a parent is in the hospital after an accident), explain what has happened, give a generous estimate of when mommy or daddy will be back and tell your child that whilst you are not sure exactly when the parent will be back, you think it'll be by X or Y date/day. Keep your child updated on progress and changes to the dates.Discuss sudden absence according to need.
 * 5)  Explain military absence according to the advice that your deployment officers provide. Some additional ideas include:
 * 6) *Be as honest as the age group permits. A toddler only needs to know that daddy will be back by Christmas; a teenager will need to know the truth about the length of time of deployment and where.
 * 7) *Reassure toddlers who are "egocentric" in their world view; the longer the absence, the more a toddler might feel he or she did something wrong. Allay this by being very clear that the absence is to do with work.
 * 8)  Spend extra time with your child during other parental absence and try to cover some of the things the other parent might have done, for example, read a book but do not try to replace the other parent. Keep your own style and be thoughtful about telling your child that some activities are those reserved for your son or daughter and the other parent, to keep those things special and to ensure retention of the sacredness of their bonding.
 * 9) Be honest if the absence is forever. For example, a parent has shacked up with someone they met in Vegas and is never coming back, you have to be honest without letting any anger get in the way. For example: "Daddy loves you but was unhappy with his life, he's gone to live in Vegas. We'll do our best to keep in touch but it will be hard sometimes. I can give you his address if you'd like to write/call to see how he is doing."

Tips

 * Make sure the child knows that it is not their fault. Children, especially younger children, see the world in relation to themselves, and therefore events that occur outside of their influence are perceived as either due to something they did or intended to affect them.  When a parent leaves, it's important to emphasize (repeatedly, perhaps) that the parent's absence is not due to something the child has done.

Things You'll Need

 * Patience and love
 * Honesty
 * Comfort

Related

 * How to Be a Good Stay at Home Parent
 * How to Assist Children With Cultural Adjustment
 * How to Have a Successful Parent Teacher Conference
 * How to Help Your Child Accept a Second Marriage