Write a Condolence Letter

When a friend has lost a loved one, it helps them to know that people know and care.

Visiting them is good, but you should at least send them a note. Condolence letters can be some of the toughest to write, but they are well worth writing. A note of condolence need not be long or complicated, either, just heartfelt.

Steps

 * 1) Buy condolence cards to get you started. You can either choose a couple of cards that are somewhat generic and have them on hand, or go out and get one when you need it.  If you prefer to write your own thoughts, choose a blank card with a pretty picture, such as flowers or a landscape.
 * 2) The note is the personal part. Start writing on the inside left side of the card.  You don't really need to write a lot, just one side of the card.
 * 3) Start out telling the person how bad you felt about hearing about their loss. It is best not to use the words "dead, died, killed, murdered, committed suicide" or other such descriptive words.  A better way to say it would be "I was so saddened to hear about the loss of your mother" (or whoever it was).
 * 4) If you knew the person, say something nice about them. "Your Dad was always so fun to go to football games with" or "Everyone really loved your sister".
 * 5) If you didn't know the person who died, then say something about how you wish you had known them or known them better, or that you had heard good things about them.
 * 6) If the death was a shock, it's okay to say that it was a shock to hear about it.
 * 7) If the person was sick for a long time, it's okay to say that they are no longer suffering.
 * 8) Try to share a specific memory or story about the departed. Choose something positive or at least neutral and in good taste.
 * 9)  If the person meant a lot to you, then by all means say so.  It will mean a lot to the survivors.
 * 10)  Close by offering your help and companionship if you are in a position to provide them.  State that they are in your thoughts/prayers.

Tips

 * Speak from your heart - you'll sound genuine if you are genuine.
 * Believe it or not, the recipient may read the good cards over and over. Make yours a good card.
 * If possible, go visit the person at home or go to the funeral. You'd be surprised how much this will mean to them.  Don't forget to check in later, too.  People tend to go on with their lives and forget that someone is still grieving.

Warnings

 * Don't stay away from the grieving family member because you don't know what to say. Just be there for them - and let them do the talking - if they feel like it.
 * Don't tell your friend to "get over it".
 * Don't say that they are better off, or that it was God's will. That won't make them feel any better.

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Write a Sympathy Card
 * How to Write a Thank You Note After a Funeral
 * How to Live After the Death of a Spouse
 * How to Make Preparations for a Funeral