Control Anger Outbursts

Life is filled with situations that can lead you to wanting to lose your temper and unleash havoc. But learning to control yourself when you're about to have a tantrum is an important part of anger management and will ensure that your stress levels are reduced. It will also improve your relations with family, friends and colleagues. This is Mike Fisher and he is a leading anger management expert and this is his method for avoiding angry outbursts.

Steps

 * 1) Use the "F.L.O.W." method to calm down when you are boiling"
 * 2) * F is for Focus: If you feel that you're about to lose your temper, try to focus and remain grounded. Use deep breathing or counting to get your brain thinking rationally. Tell yourself that you are not going to explode and repeat "I am not going to lose it" several times over, so that the message sinks in internally.
 * 3) * L is for Listen: When you are in a situation that makes you angry, or you are in disagreement with someone, try to really listen to them and empathise with them. Our ability to empathise with others is critical in being able to listen well; if you are not able to empathise, you are not really able to hear. Try to understand the conflict from their point of view; people will value and respect you for listening to them.
 * 4) *O is for Objectivity: If you're in disagreement with someone, try not to take it personally. When you take something that someone else has said personally, you lose all form of objectivity. It is critical that you identify that you are taking it personally. Then you have a choice about how you want to respond. Try to stay objective about the situation, and this will help you to not become angry. Objectivity is an indicator of maturity and helps you to have much healthier relationships.
 * 5) * W is for Wait: People with anger management problems tend to react to situations immediately, without taking the time to consider their reaction. If you feel like you're about to explode or lose your temper, try to take a moment to think and reflect before you react. Use this time to think about what the consequences of an angry outburst would be. Waiting is a very successful indicator that you are managing your anger. You will feel really liberated and the whole process of managing anger becomes fun.
 * 6)  Follow through these steps every time that you encounter a situation that drives you to feel anger. Let "F.L.O.W." be the mantra that flows through you each time a situation triggering anger arises.
 * 7)  Cease to get angry at situations over which you have no control. Traffic jams, slow queues, strikes, broken appliances etc. are all laws unto themselves and being angry at them is only going to make your own blood boil; it won't change the status quo. Be productive not angry and use your skills to effect change, such as planning a different route home using a map or GPS, asking a neighbour for a lift during a bus strike or phoning a plumber when the washing machine breaks.
 * 8) Learn the difference between angry expression of your opinions and issues and assertiveness. Many people never learn this and continue to think that yelling, cursing and blowing their top is asserting themselves. It is not; it is reacting in a heated fashion and not using reasoned discussion. If you have trouble managing this distinction and your anger, seek professional counseling, or join an anger management group to learn coping techniques and to undo bad habits.

Tips

 * Breathing and counting techniques are very important. They provide a small window of time that allows the hurt part of your brain to catch up with the reasoning part of your brain. Let reason and reputation guide you, not passion and feeling wounded.

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Get Rid of Anger
 * How to Handle Divorce Anger
 * How to Release Anger
 * How to Handle Angry Customers
 * How to Communicate With an Angry Person
 * How to Be Assertive
 * How to Communicate in an Assertive Manner

Sources and Citations

 * VideoJug A video of how to control your temper. Original source of article. Shared with permission and appreciation.