Help Your Daughter Survive Divorce

If your daughter is going through a divorce, it is a harrowing experience for her and it is also difficult for you to see someone you love suffering and doubting their choices about their relationship, as well as potentially losing their faith in their self-esteem and ability to cope.

Being there for your daughter is an important part of parenting.

This article is suitable for a mother, father, or both parents, who seek to help their daughter survive this challenging time.

Steps

 * 1)  Let her know that you are there for her. Make it clear that no matter what the time of day or night, she has a place to come to if she needs respite, or an ear to talk to if she is in need. When you live far away from her, the phone connection is even more crucial.
 * 2)  Consider the ways in which you might be able to help her tangibly. Think about the sorts of things that might help her through this hard time. Does she need personal space and time to sort through her feelings/papers/household effects, etc. but the kids are underfoot and upset by all the changes? Can you offer to take the kids in for a bit, or at least care for them during periods of time to give your daughter the needed break? Maybe she needs a place to stay, and you can offer that respite. Does she need a loan of money/car/items to get back on her feet or to get out of a difficult situation? Can you offer such a loan? All these practical helps make an enormous difference.
 * 3)  Practice active listening. She will be upset, angry, sad, depressed, irritable, relieved, forgiving, and many other emotions at varied times. Be available for her with a compassionate ear and a supportive love that she can rely upon at all times. Even if you're not in a position to physically help her out, you can be there for her emotionally.
 * 4)  Leave out the "I told you so's". Nobody needs a relationship choice thrown back in their face; we love whom we love when do for reasons that are much broader than common sense will ever justify. We make mistakes to learn from them. Your daughter will be experiencing a range of self-talk that will be, for the most part, very negative, such as feeling victimized, angry with herself and at her husband, deeply saddened at the loss, grieving, terrified, feeling stupid and unlovable, etc. None of these are good feelings but with loving support, they will remain temporary. The last thing she ever needs is confirmation of poor choices with the "I told you so's"re relationships will end the same; remind her that she has learned lessons that will guide her well in the future. Be gentle, always.

Tips

 * Don't be surprised if your daughter harbors a belief that the marriage can be mended despite all signs to the contrary. The stages of grieving include denial and bargaining, as well as unrealistic expectations prior to final acceptance. Carry on being supportive.
 * If your daughter lives in a different state or town, offer to visit for a while to help her out with moving, child-minding, offering moral support, etc.
 * Help guide her away from the rebound relationship; giving her your support and the space to recover is a surefire help to avoiding rebound involvement. If you do suspect she is getting involved with somebody else too soon after the break-up, have a very gentle but realistic heart-to-heart with her about where this might lead and how it could impede her full and healthy recovery.

Warnings

 * If her husband has been violent, your support is crucial to prevent her from falling back into any lies or deception that he might use to try and draw her back. Seek help from women's refuges if you are not able to help out fully. Help her to arrange restraining orders where necessary - have the phone contact details of relevant police officers, social workers, etc. in your phone as well as hers.

Related

 * How to Support and Comfort Your Daughter Through Her Divorce
 * How to Help Your Daughter Survive a Breakup