Function In a Multigenerational Household

Many families around the world live in multigenerational households, which are defined as spanning three or more generations. There are several cultures, particularly in developing countries, that consider multiple generations in the home as the norm, but it is also becoming more common in developed nations, as rising costs of real estate, health care and childcare make more families consider joining forces across generations. Each generation, however, introduces a new set of potential complications and conflicts, which must be addressed in order for a multigenerational household to function and thrive.

Steps

 * 1) Determine why this arrangement is in place. Every living arrangement has its benefits and drawbacks, and in order for it to work, the benefits must be recognized and outweigh the drawbacks. When the going gets tough, remembering why you've chosen to live in a multigenerational household will help to cope with any conflicts that may arise. Some of the reasons families choose to live together are:
 * 2) *Parent(s) returning to school to further their education, save money for a home of their own, or get out of debt; living with other family members to cut costs, save money, and have trusted childcare.
 * 3) *A big move, where one family unit lives with another family unit or member who is already in the area until they can become familiar with the area and establish their own home.
 * 4) *A desire to live in an area with high housing costs. By having more family members live in a single house, the family can afford a nicer, larger house in a better neighborhood and with better schools than if they lived separately.
 * 5) *Single parents who prefer to have their own parents care for their children, or who can't afford childcare.
 * 6) *Elderly relatives who need to be looked after, and whose family either cannot finance nursing home care or would simply prefer to look after an elderly relative themselves.
 * 7) *An emphasis on preserving cultural traditions and family roots.
 * 8) *Unforeseen, unfortunate circumstances, such as the loss of a job, a debilitating injury, a divorce, an emerging disease, or a death in the family. An extended family living situation can provide a helpful cushion if and when such circumstances arise.
 * 9) Discuss the circumstances as a family, so that everyone is on the same page as to why you are living together. If it's a temporary situation, come to an agreement on when the arrangement should be changed (e.g. when someone gets their Master's degree).
 * 10) Define the responsibilities surrounding those who need to be cared for.
 * 11) *Does anyone in the family have health issues that need to be addressed, such as an elderly parent needing special care, or a child with disabilities?
 * 12) *If their care is home based, which of the other family members is primarily responsible for this care? Or is it to be a group effort?
 * 13) Discuss boundaries as a group, as they must be respected by each household member, from the eldest to the youngest.
 * 14) *Address privacy. It is sometimes hard to have privacy in these living situations. Everyone needs a place they can go in the house whenever they feel the need to be alone.
 * 15) *Part of setting boundaries is each member of the family knowing that giving advice, especially when it comes to problems or arguments by a married couple within the house, should only be given if asked. Never get into the middle of a couple's argument (the only exception is in the case of abuse).
 * 16) *Make physical boundaries, whether it's creating a reading nook for a child to do their homework in peace and quiet, or refinishing the basement so that it functions as a separate apartment for a young couple.
 * 17) *Provide acoustic boundaries. It's likely that at least one person in the house will enjoy hearing loud music or television (sometimes it's an elder who's hard of hearing, sometimes it's a teenager who simply likes their music loud). Set rules and if possible, create a quiet area somewhere in the home.
 * 18) *Set bathroom rules. Some people are more accepting about using bathrooms at the same time than others. If necessary, install a lock on the bathroom door to prevent accidental interruptions and ensuing frustration. It may also be necessary to make a "bathroom schedule" during "prime time" such as in the morning, when members need to get ready for school or work.
 * 19) [[Image:Family2_709.jpg|thumb|Who's making the call?]]Let parents raise their own children. If the adults do not remain mindful of each others' rights and responsibilities, children can sometimes be a source of discord in the house. What causes problems is a non-parent adult's sense of how far they should be allowed to go in deciding what is best for the children.  It's especially important for grandmothers (as well as other authority figures, like aunts and uncles) not to counteract the rules set down by a child's parents.  For grandparents, it may be hard to stand back and let their children learn what they have already learned, but the other way causes resentment in the household.
 * 20) Decide ahead of time who will be responsible for which bills. And stick to this to the best of your ability.  Of course there are times when the unforeseen happens.  If all the adult members work together, surprise problems can be resolved.
 * 21) [[Image:Family1_904.jpg|thumb|Let's talk.]]Call a family meeting if there is a problem you think needs discussing. If it is a more personal problem, take the other family member aside and discuss it quietly. As mentioned earlier, there should be a time and a place where any family member can have privacy. It is under those circumstances that many personal problems can be addressed and resolved before they erupt into a major conflict.
 * 22) Spend quality time together as a family.
 * 23) *Have one night a week as family night.
 * 24) *Make teams of family members (just males, just females, just the kids, or whatever way you can divide the family to get various members to bond as a group) get in the kitchen once a week and have the teams take turns cooking a meal together. Family night or a Sunday dinner would be good.

Tips

 * Often the greatest stress is on the middle generation(s) who must balance the needs and involvement of the previous and next generation(s).
 * Show children by example that their grandparents and great-grandparents are special people who can teach them many things. Teach them to respect the older members of the family.
 * Remember the benefits of living in a multigenerational household.
 * Older children learn how to care for infants and toddlers through babysitting.
 * Wisdom and stories from elders get passed down through everyday activities, reminding children that things weren't always the way they are now, and that they will probably change dramatically once more.
 * Valuable skills are learned in how to collaborate as a group and resolve conflicts, which can be useful in situations outside of the home.
 * There is a greater availability of support, both emotionally and financially, and more people to talk to.

Warnings

 * Storage space can become very scarce in this kind of household, especially since large families tend to buy their groceries in bulk amounts. Tackle the issue as a family: get rid of what you really don't need, or consider renting a storage space.
 * If an adult family member isn't doing their chores, do not go into a moratorium on your own chores until they start helping. This only causes tension and could lead to a very messy house.
 * Do not search through another family member's things. You have no right to invade their privacy just because you live in the same house.
 * Do not allow anger or resentment against another family member cause you to forget how important that person is to you.

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Understand and Maintain Family Cohesion
 * How to Live with an Elderly Person
 * How to Be a Good Parent
 * How to Start a New Family Tradition
 * How to Create a Family Cookbook

Sources and Citations

 * Generations United, Multigenerational Households Fact Sheet - Focused on the growing number of multigenerational households in the United States.
 * Multigenerational Families Search For Sanity Under One Roof, DoItYourself.com - An inquisitive look at several multigenerational households and how they make it work.