Perform an Intervention

An intervention is a confrontation generally used as a final resort for getting a loved one the help that individual needs, but denies needing. The issues addressed in an intervention can include an extremely serious drug addiction, compulsive gambling, alcoholism, eating disorders, self-mutilation, as well as excessive porn, computer,    television or video game usage. Any person that is addicted to anything that affects their health and their family adversely can be helped by this method. An intervention works because it is relentless. We may cause pain to the recipient, even though the recipient is one we love. How can we do this, and why would we do this? None of us want to hurt a loved one, and each of us feels pain when the troubled one feels pain. It's true, but sometimes in order for a loved one to understand himself, we have to help him or her actually see himself as if in a distorted mirror. It's unattractive, but a fact, and sometimes it is the only way to lead somebody on a better path. For the purpose of this article, we will assume the addict is a male.

Steps

 * 1) Have a meeting to make thorough plans and learn everyone's concerns, but do not include the troubled individual at this meeting.
 * 2) *Plan for a direct intervention at the meeting with family members, friends, and anyone else who is concerned about the individual and can attest to the way that his actions have negatively affected his or her own life, and that of others. It is best to involve 3-6 people, and no children.
 * 3) *Communicate openly with one another and take notes of what the loved one is doing that is harmful to himself and others. Gather the facts about the person you are dealing with. Make confidentiality a clear rule for this meeting for all partakers in the meeting and for the offender's mutual protection.
 * 4) *Plan what each person will say and the sequence of events for the intervention. Ensure there is no contradiction or repetition.  Repeating the same negative experiences and statements will only cause more stress and resistance.
 * 5) *Predict ways in which you think the offender will respond, and anticipate ways you can address any anticipated denials.
 * 6) Meet with a professional, such as a therapist or counselor, prior to the intervention. Guidance can be helpful when preparing for the intervention. The last thing you want to to is make the offender feel victimized, abused or belittled.
 * 7) Rehearse the intervention with the professional to enable you to receive an objective opinion on the expected responses from your loved one, how to stay calm and steadfast both during and after the intervention and how to react to these responses.
 * 8) '''Create and discuss a list of actions and behavioural patterns by the loved one that will no longer be tolerated. Next to each activity, write what your action will be if he/she does continue these behaviors.
 * 9) Present a list of probable and already experienced losses. Present to the addict every possible loss which the family can recount. This can include jobs, possessions, or relationships.
 * 10) Highlight Consequences and Ultimatums. Prepare a list of consequences to actions and explain any required ultimatums to the loved one. Most important here is the willingness to follow through on consequences you have agreed to implement as a family to aid the loved one. Do not state consequences that you are not willing to enforce!
 * 11) Follow-through with the consequences or else the plans will turn into empty threats. Refusing to loan money can be a simple consequence, or one can be as painful as threatening to leave a spouse, and to take the children from the home. Make appropriate preparations, just in case. For example, if his wife tells him that she will be leaving him unless he agrees to treatment, have clothes packed and a place to stay.
 * 12) Make arrangements for treatment. Make plans and organize any necessary treatments that should immediately follow the intervention. The professional that you meet with should be able to recommend appropriate treatment given the nature and severity of the problem at hand. Choose the facility and make prior arrangements, considering all elements including location, quality of treatment, good fit for the offender and financial implications of the treatment.
 * 13) Arrange for seating, so that each person has a place to sit. This should all be in place before you begin, as you don't want people moving around once the intervention commences.
 * 14) [[Image:Unhappy_45.jpg|150px|right]]Confront the individual with everyone present in a private room. Ensure the safety and security of the environment beforehand ie. no disruptions etc.  Do all you can to begin with your loved one in a calm state, and if the issue is drug addiction or alcoholism, he should be sober. Gently explain to him that you are all there because you are concerned for his well-being.
 * 15) Begin by defining the problem: asking him to acknowledge that there is a problem. If he denies the issue, have everyone in the room provide evidence by explaining what they've seen and how they've been affected by the problem. Avoid a "blaming" tone so that you are more likely to be heard:
 * 16) *Choose a "spokesperson" to facilitate the intervention so that the person does not feel like he is being overwhelmed, bullied or ganged up on with everyone making accusations at the same time.
 * 17) *Avoid labeling him as an "alcoholic" or an "addict" or anything else that may negatively identify him with his problem and incite unnecessary defensiveness and denials.
 * 18) *Only use statements that start with "I" when you are describing the effects of the issue. Statements beginning with you, you're and your may seem intimidating and feel like accusations.
 * 19) *Do not say, for example: "Your drinking is making my life stressful and difficult!" That is an accusatory statement that he / she will feel he / she must defend himself against.
 * 20) *Do say: "I've been stressed and disturbed by your drinking." It helps avoid an accusatory tone and shifts the focus to the problem instead of the loved one.
 * 21) Propose immediate treatment. A promise from the person to stop the problem activity or to seek treatment later is NOT enough. Explain what kind of treatment you have already organized.
 * 22) *Give him / her the ultimatums that you have outlined in previous steps. Proceed to explain these one at a time. Realize that he may not agree that he needs the type of assistance that will be proposed during the intervention.
 * 23) *Be prepared for this to be difficult to observe, as it may cause him to burst into tears or go into a rage. He might have what seems like a tantrum. Even if he is sobbing with all his might, be steadfast and do not weaken. You are trying to save him from himself.
 * 24) *He will likely deny anything you say and will resent your saying it. It will hurt you to see and hear his denials and resentment. Ignore these remarks. Keep on your path of assistance to the one you are concerned about, because in order to reach him, you have to knock down the shell that he has built around himself.
 * 25) *Remember, you are helping him / her to heal. Sometimes, we need to endure the pain of a loved one in order to provide him with the help he needs to get well. This is why they call it tough love- because it is not an easy way to help someone. It is indeed tough - but you might be saving his life.
 * 26) Emphasize this is for his good. Tell him you love him, show him how he is hurting himself and his chances for a good life. Show him love, but be tough. Make sure he knows that you want him to stop what he is doing because you love and care for him, and you see that he is destroying his life.

Tips

 * Listen to what the individual has to say, but do NOT agree with him. Keep explaining your observations in detail. Do not give in. Remain firm in your thoughts and your feelings ... never waver. Give each person a turn to speak his or her own mind, as each one looks directly at the person and does not falter.
 * Addicts generally choose to go to the treatment center rather than accept the consequences. Do not allow it to be postponed or put on a back burner!
 * This is a well known method used by many outstanding citizens. The children of Betty Ford used intervention to get her into a rehab center due to her alcoholism. She eventually started the Betty Ford Center.
 * Do not fear using it on children who are headed for trouble and will not listen. The consequences must fit the situation, of course.
 * This may hurt the whole family, and it may seem as if you are all ganging up on the addict, and in a way you are - but it will hurt him less than ending up dead or in serious trouble.

Warnings

 * Do not do this to someone who has a heart problem, or has an anxiety problem. It might be too much stress for him to take. Consult a professional.
 * Get legal advice before proceeding or you may face civil or even criminal liability for kidnapping or false imprisonment.
 * Make sure that there is an actual serious problem, and that the behavior of the friend or family member in question is causing more harm to others than the intervention would cause to them.
 * Denial doesn't always mean a lie: some users might actually be telling the truth when they say their habits are under control. Be honest with yourself about whether they are really causing you harm, or could you be trying to control them.
 * Be very careful of the mental state of the person you are performing an intervention on. An intervention should only be performed on someone with a normal state of mind, for both the target individual's safety, and the safety of the people performing the intervention.

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Make a Behavior Intervention Plan for an Autistic Child
 * How to Overcome an Addiction
 * How to Beat Drug Addiction
 * How to Deal With a Gambling Addiction
 * How to Avoid Video Game Addiction
 * How to Overcome an Addiction to Porn As a Teenager
 * How to Help Someone Overcome Marijuana Addiction

Sources and Citations

 * Intervention Quick Guide, DrugFree.org (PDF)
 * How to Approach an Intervention, wnet.org
 * Wikipedia - Intervention Counseling Source of information
 * InterventionSource of information