Deal With Passive Aggressive Behavior

Is someone being passive aggressive, making remarks under their breath? Being perhaps not-so-accidentally late? Passive aggressive behavior is when someone deliberately does things to make life difficult for you, but they do not do it in an obvious way. Therefore, it can be hard to deal with, because the person can easily deny that they are doing anything wrong.

Steps

 * 1) Make sure you are not overreacting. It is possible that you think this person is trying to get under your skin, but it is also possible that you are being overly suspicious. Examine your own insecurities - are you used to people in your past giving you a hard time? Does this person remind you of that? Are you assuming this person is doing what the people in your past did?
 * 2) Gather the evidence. Write down the ways in which you think this person is being passive aggressive. By writing down a list of incidents you may start to see a pattern, or you may realize you are overreacting. If you do still think this person is being passive aggressive, continue to the next steps.
 * 3) Avoid the temptation to fight fire with fire. In other words, do not be passive aggressive to "get them back". This will end up being an ongoing battle that will draw energy and attention from you. Things will just escalate until one of you breaks.
 * 4) Set objective standards. If they are doing things that are subtly aggressive, establish that whatever they are doing is not okay. For example, if they always take 20 minutes to accomplish a task that should only take 5 minutes, clarify the expectation from the start (before they begin the task) and specify consequences. For example: "Filing these papers should take 10 minutes, maximum. If this is not done in 10 minutes, I can ask someone else to finish this."
 * 5) Call out any muttering. If they say things under their breath, say "I didn't hear you, can you repeat that?" They will most likely say something like "Forget it." Insist. "No, I really want to know what you have to say. What did you want to tell me?"

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Stop Passive Aggressive Behavior in the Workplace
 * How to Know When You Are Acting Passive Aggressive