Live Without Friends

Friends are people who support your life from the beginning and through the end, non-judgmentally and with your best interests at heart. They're sounding boards, guides and shoulders to lean on. There are times when, for one reason or other, we lack friends. For some people this is a choice, and not a problem at all; many people, however, struggle with this situation.

Perhaps you've moved away from existing friends or perhaps there are transitions within your usual group of friends that have left you on the outer. Sometimes our lifestyle loses us friends, such as when we marry, have children or focus intently on careers. Whatever the reason, living without friends can leave people who crave companionship feeling sad, weary and quite alone. Learning to live through a period of life without friends requires trust in yourself, a willingness to keep reaching out and a certainty that this is a phase in your life, and that some day soon, the friends you desire will grace your doorstep again.

Steps

 * 1) See the lack of friendships as a temporary situation. When friendships are lost, for whatever reason, the sadness and hurt can be very deep. These feelings can prevent you from seeing that there will be new friends in the future, ones who can be relied upon and trusted again. For now, be gentle on yourself and accept that this is something that will pass.
 * 2) Enjoy your own company. Being solitary isn't all bad. This is a time when you have space to reflect, to redefine your goals and life's purpose, all on your own terms. It is also a time when you can discover that it is possible to enjoy your own company without being bored, unhappy or lost. Finding solo hobbies, sports and interests may be of some help, including trying new things you've never done before. There are lots of possibilities, including reading, painting or other art, jigsaw or crossword puzzles (on paper or online), outdoor activities like fishing, gardening or walking, individual sports such as swimming or running. Perhaps there is an event or show you'd like to work toward, such as entering a triathlon or marathon, or entering your handiwork in an art and craft show. You can while away many hours focused on preparation for such an event.
 * 3) *Walk with your inner self. With each step, remind yourself how free it feels to be alone and what kind of thoughts you like to have as you wander on.
 * 4) *Consider keeping a journal. This can be a great way of expressing inner feelings that need to be made more concrete. It can also mark the passage of how you're growing and changing through your transition period without friends. When you read back over it much later, you'll be gratified to see how much you've matured and to discover what you've since learned.
 * 5) Find a companion animal. Pets are often the best non-human friend a person can ever find. They never complain, gossip behind your back, or try to "one up" you. They provide comfort and they require that you are responsible for them with feeding, grooming, keeping their quarters clean and exercise, etc. In particular, dogs and cats provide many owners with much fulfillment and companionship.
 * 6) Look for some (temporary) silver linings. There are some advantages to a friendless lifestyle. For example, no one will call in the middle of the night to divulge their troubles and no one will be available to ask you for a loan till payday or allowance day. Moreover, you won't be placed into moral dilemmas when a friend asks you do things that you're uncomfortable about or that you feel breach your principles. Of course, you can take these "positives" too far, to the point of arguing that friendship isn't worth it. Friendship is worth it, always, and all of these "positives" are actually a reflection of your need to become more assertive and to set clearer boundaries in your future friendships. Take the time now to learn assertiveness for your own sake and for the sake of stronger future friendships.
 * 7) *While you may see it as a benefit that you don't have to burden anyone with your pain or suffering and that nobody has to burden you with their problems, this isn't real freedom. This lack of connection and sharing of the hardships as well as the joys soon wears thin after you've recovered from your initial sadness or pain at loss of friends. Feeling the highs and lows of friendship is a normal part of being human, being connected. Don't wallow too far in thinking that you're guarding yourself against future hurt by keeping away from making new friends. Worrying about your own problems only soon becomes a burden that is hard to carry and skews your perspective of the world, often making your own problems seem much greater than they actually are.
 * 8) If your friends used to be there for you all the time and do things you needed help with, suddenly not having them around will make your life harder and slower. If this is the case, schedule your day so that you get all the necessary things done within an appropriate time. Without a friend to pitch in when you're behind or feeling down, whether it is a buddy in studies helping with a last-minute essay, or a capable person helping to help move a piano, many tasks take longer to do alone, and the lack of friends to call on for help might make such tasks take longer.
 * 9) *Think about people you can call on to help, even though they're not friends. Neighbors (and their children), paid handipeople, local family members, etc. can all be called upon to help in a pinch.
 * 10) *Learn to cover your own back. Without friends, you cannot count on having immediate help. When you fall, no one will be there to help you up, so take care not to fall. Put measures in place that you can use should things go wrong and you're all alone. Have emergency numbers keyed into your phone(s) as your last resort for help.
 * 11) Continue to give people "the time of day" etc. If you have deliberately chosen to live without friends as a result of being determined not to get hurt again, you still have a minimum moral responsibility to treat people decently. Intentionally hurting people to distance them is not an option. Instead, remain polite and friendly with all those you encounter. In the meantime, give serious consideration to getting counseling for overcoming any fears or hurt that cause you to lash out at or avoid other people.
 * 12) Pay attention to dressing and grooming. There will be fewer trustworthy people to tap you on the shoulder to tell you your "fly is open", your shoe is untied or you need to comb your hair when you live without friends. Strangers are less inclined to point out that you're walking around with your skirt end tucked into your underwear or that the back of your hair is flaking enough dandruff to challenge a snowstorm. Make use of hair stylists, fashion store assistants, makeup counter assistants and caring family members to keep you looking ship-shape. If you're really letting go of yourself, see your doctor as you may be suffering from anxiety, depression or some other concern.
 * 13) Spend time around people doing things you enjoy. If you've taken up a sport or hobby, go to club events, sporting meet-ups, competitions and the like. Engage with people at these events to make connections. Take it slowly if you're hesitant but allow yourself to connect and potentially click with people who like the same things that you do.
 * 14) Go online and look for like-minded people. Even if you don't find friends in real life in any hurry, you can find many people online who share your thoughts, ideas and dreams about many things and you can develop very close and fulfilling friendships in the comfort of cyberspace. The benefit of this approach is that it allows you to take things at your own pace and to withdraw whenever you need to do so. Online friendships are not as intimate as those in real life and usually won't solve loneliness completely, but are nonetheless a good way to feel connected and pass time.
 * 15) *Try making friends online via chat rooms, RPGs, message boards, wikis or anything else online that allows for social interaction.
 * 16) Last but not least, feel the fear of reaching out but do it anyway. Someone will reciprocate to your wish for friendship but it won't happen unless you make an effort. Be prepared for some people to rebuff your advances for friendship but be prepared for others to click and stay involved. It can take time, it will take courage and it will always require faith but you will make new friendships. And somewhere along the way, you may meet one or two people who will remain friends for life.

Tips

 * If you are choosing to live without friends as a way of lifestyle, be sure you fully understand the reasons behind such a choice. If it is merely a reaction to a disappointing rejection, you may find yourself later on wanting to change and become more social later. While this in itself is acceptable, you may find that this lifestyle has caused you to burn bridges that make it harder in the future for you to find and maintain friendships. On the other hand, if you've simply decided you'd much rather be a hermit, be fully aware that nowadays this is a very unusual way of life for a human being. You may find yourself lonely and making incorrect assumptions about other people and the world around you. Friends (and other people) serve as our reality checks, especially when we've been seeing the world too much through our own lens.
 * If you are a student or a worker, you will probably find yourself on a team, whether in science lab, a history project, in sports or working on projects or work assignments. Being polite and respectful with your team members will help you deal with the person or people you work with, even if you're not friends. Most of all, regardless of circumstances, when called upon to be part of a team, do your share, as it is the fair thing to do. Not being a team player is cause for dismissal from the activity or job in many cases.
 * Society nowadays places a lot of emphasis on being "social", and many employers now regard it as more important than having a good education. Don't fall for this, but get as much education as you can, wherever and however you can, and don't stop looking for employment where your skills, not your ability to party, will be valued. Or start your own business.
 * Keep adequate resources, savings, and supplies. You've less people to rely on without friends and calling on family all the time can wear thin, especially when it's something they don't really "get" because of generational differences.
 * When you watch TV or movies alone, laugh as loud as you like. Live in the moment; do not be tempted to think about how no one else is there.

Warnings

 * Most cultures and philosophies regard human beings as socially connected. There are people who work in isolation, and they often suffer loneliness and even depression. These symptoms, especially depression, can have serious health consequences.
 * Are you without friends because you're a maverick, a person who has to have everything done your way, or no way at all? If you're scaring people off because you're bossy, pushy, demanding or difficult, it's time to revisit your personality strategy because clearly, it's not relationship-healthy.
 * Beware that some of those in the regular group of people consider it wrong to be alone. They will do everything possible to disrupt it by drawing attention to your being alone and deriding it. Be compassionate toward them and don't retaliate. You're transitioning, so give yourself space and time without worrying about their timetable for "doing what's right."

Related Tips and Steps

 * How to Be a Hermit
 * How to Cope with Depression
 * How to Deal With Loneliness
 * How to Be a Loner and Love It
 * How to Stop Feeling Lonely
 * How to Avoid Being Seen As a Loner by Others
 * How to Live With a Group of Friends
 * How to Feel Good Without Friends